Yesterday in class, I huddled up with two of my classmates to discuss our upcoming presentation. One of them is my age (26), and she’s looking to start a family soon. She’s been married for a few years and now they’re actively trying to get pregnant. Still, she’s concerned about what’s going to happen with grad school if she has a kid now.
The other group member, who’s a little older, warned against it. “Finish school first,” she said. “It’s too hard to study and watch a newborn.”
I, of course, had to chime in. “Well, it’s hard, but it’s not impossible,” I told her. “I had my first in undergrad, and I have two now. It’s hard but somehow”...you make it work.”
She just kind of looked at both of us, like she didn’t know what to think.
And really, I was wondering what advice I was giving her. Going to school while you have a kid is a lot of work. Last semester I almost quit everything from the stress. Every week there was a major project due. My daughter’s school is big on parent involvement and I found myself putting in 10+ hours of work each week on various events/field trips. And I still had my son home with me all day, so his development was on my mind as well.
It is a struggle. No question about it.
I sometimes wish I had either waited to go back to school or had gone before I had kids, but that doesn’t make any sense. Financially, the time was right for me to go now. I’m pushing through because I know it’s going to make my life better in the future. So, kids or no kids, I’m making things happen.
I’m not typically a big fan of people pushing off having kids for a more perfect time, probably because I’m mom to two “surprise!” babies. At the time, I struggled with what the upheaval in my life would look like and how I would cope. But now, five years later, I am extremely happy. Extremely. I do distinctly remember life before my children, but somehow it seems like all my memories of that are in black and white, while my current reality is in color. It’s kind of like life before the iPod. Yes, it was pretty cool walking around with your Sony Discman, but then you got your iPod and it was a wrap. Motherhood is kind of like that.
Was life easier before kids? Yup. I had a ton more energy. But when my daughter draws a picture of me in art class because she missed me, or when my son says he loves me “thousands,” well, somehow I don’t mind being sleep deprived as much.
I guess my advice to her is to not let the idea of having kids keep you from doing what you want to do. You could be a doctor, or a lawyer, or an entrepreneur. Having kids doesn’t erase your goals.
What advice would you have given my classmate?