Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry. And I’m not talking about a fake I’m sorry just to shut the person up. But, a true to life, I’m actually really sorry. One Valentine’s Day, my wife and I got into this HUGE argument at The Cheesecake Factory about my spending habits and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt I was right…that is until I got home and checked the checkbook and I was completely wrong. I sat on the couch for a good 2 hours before I could muster enough energy to get up and go to apologize, even though I knew I was dead wrong. So what was my problem? Pride was my problem.
The definition of pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Wow…the sin from which ALL others arise. I’m here to let everyone know that there’s NO WAY that you can have a successful marriage, if you’re full of pride, because that’s going to stunt the growth of your marriage.
The funniest thing to me about saying I’m sorry is I’ve seen folk do literally EVERYTHING to try to say I’m sorry…without saying I’m sorry! Do you know how many times my wife and I were beefing and hours after not speaking, I walk in the room like “you want something from the store?” What I’m really saying is “I’m sorry” but since folk absolutely refuse to muster those words, me offering to get her something from the store is a peace offering that I want her to take as an apology. But at the end of the day, it’s not an apology.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 11:2
There have also been SO many times that my wife and I were arguing and I felt like God was telling me to go upstairs to squash it… but 9 times outta 10, I didn’t. Then hours later, when I’m finally ready to apologize, now she’s looking straight, which in turn makes me even more angrier that I swallowed my pride (but I swallowed my pride when I wanted to, not when God told me to) and now she’s upset? Which just makes the anger and the argument last even longer than what it should have lasted.
What I’ve learned after 13 years of marriage, is that when God tells you to do something, you should do it. Don’t be like me and say “no thanks” because maybe when God is telling me to move, He may also be opening up my wife’s heart to forgive me and to accept my apology. But if I wait until I feel like doing it, now her heart is closed. Everything in the game of life is about timing. When a quarterback is throwing a pass to his receiver, that receiver is only open for a split second, throw it too late or too early it’s an incomplete pass or an interception and you don’t move anywhere down the field, you just stay in the same place. In fact, if the ball’s intercepted you actually lose ground.
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. – Proverbs 13:10
And to be honest, that’s what a lot of us are doing, staying in the same place, moving backwards or not moving anywhere in our marriages because a.) there’s too much pride involved and b.) we’re not moving when God tells us to. So about 5 years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution that I would start admitting when I was wrong. I can now say 13 years later that I’m a MUCH better at apologizing than I was when I first got married. But first, I had to understand AND grasp God’s placement for me as the head of the household of my marriage and family and two, I had to come to realize that I couldn’t be a great leader if I was SO prideful that I couldn’t admit when I’m wrong.
So, my challenge to the readers this week is if you’re beefing with someone, reach out just to say “I’m sorry.” Even if you feel like you did nothing wrong. Simply say “I’m sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry for whatever part I played in our friendship not being what it used to be.” I’m telling you, once you learn to keep your pride at bay, you’ll have SO much more peace in your life…trust me on that.
BMWK – Have you found it difficult to say I’m sorry?