In the game of love and happiness, there are plenty of successful tales to speak of. Many of them are posted right here on this website and featured in the documentaries filmed by Lamar and Ronnie Tyler. But success doesn’t come without it’s peaks and valleys.It’s ebbs and it’s flows. There are stretches when you are madly in love with the man or woman that you’ve chosen to live yow life with. Then there are those days, hopefully few and far between, when you daydream of what life might be like without them. You may even wonder how better or different your life may be were it not for them standing between you and your happiness.
But short of domestic abuse, does anyone outside of yourself truly have the power to separate you from your happiness?
I don’t believe so.
Happiness Defined
The first problem that people experience when it comes to understanding and embracing happiness is a not having a clear definition of what happiness actually means.
Merriam-Webster.com defines happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment.”
Otherwise known as joy.
Based on this definition, your happiness cannot and should not belong to anyone other than you. Why? Because it’s yours. It belongs to you. No different than giving someone the keys to your car and letting them take it for a spin. At the end of the day it is still your car. And I know most car owners don’t play when it comes to letting others near their vehicle. So why protect your happiness any less? Take a moment to yourself and ask the question: is he/she in control of my happiness? Take it one step further and whip out of sheet of paper and write down your answer. If you write down anything other than “No,” I promise that the more you read your answer the more ridiculous it will look to you.
Clearly there is something to be said if you aren’t finding satisfaction in your relationship. But your happiness should exist separate and apart from your relationship. After reading this far if you realize that you are allowing that special someone to “make” you unhappy don’t get mad. Unless it is at yourself.
Lack of Love – Lack of Happiness
I’ve recently come to understand something about people who are unkind to others. They aren’t happy and they lack self-love (not to be confused with narcissism, which has no place in any relationship).
Personal flaws aside, if you love yourself you tend to treat yourself well. You appreciate the beauty in most, if not all things, and you have a kindness in your heart that shines in your spirit and makes you beautiful — regardless of actual physical beauty — in the eyes of everyone you encounter. You glow. You have your bad days, but you don’t stay there.
Unless you are clinically depressed, you love yourself to much to wallow. You may even believe you don’t have the right to wallow. Most importantly your love of self directs your actions towards others. You have compassion. People who genuinely have love for themselves only have space inside them to be kind and loving to others, in both word and deed.
Without Love
If you find yourself romantically involved with someone who seems to be the complete opposite of this — seemingly unable to give or receive love, try not to take it personally. Yes it is hard, but you have to look at the whole person and not just their interactions with you. Is this person genuinely happy? Are they kind to themselves? You can’t honestly expect someone to treat you right when they can’t even treat themselves with a deserving level of care and self-respect. This includes people who treat their mothers well. An unhappy person devoid of self love has no problem inflicting misery on those closest to them. They have little concept of the damage they are dishing out. They hurt so hurting others comes naturally and their demons might run so deep they may have no idea what they are doing and might even get defensive when you call them on it.
Even if you are married to a person such as this do not allow their past or present to define your present or future from this day forward. These people need therapy, they need prayer and if you truly love them they may need you not to give up on them. But I can’t direct you on what next steps to take. Let love and prayer be your guide.
Find, follow and protect your bliss. If not you, then who?