Is it just me, or does it seem that modern parents spoil the crap out of their kids? I’m sorry but if I see one more mom CARRYING a child that is bigger than she is, I’m gonna scream. If the child can walk, why isn’t he/she walking? I’ve seen children that appear to be 6 or 7 years old being pushed in strollers. The child is so big that the feet are dragging the ground. I’ve witnessed 10 year old children throwing toddler-like tantrums in PUBLIC! I will not say how my mother would have handled us had we tried some of these behaviors, because I want to stay PC. But let’s just say she didn’t believe in “time-outs”. I am no expert, but I have raised 3 sons into adulthood (2 in college, 1 in Air Force) and am now raising a daughter. I have also done the child rearing in a variety of different ways. Single with no other parental involvement, Single with an involved co-parent, and married with the my husband front and center.
I certainly believe in assisting grown children, but only if they are willing to help themselves. I do not believe in creating what I call “forever dependents” which are people that will forever have to depend on someone else for their well being because nobody ever taught them to do otherwise. Having witnessed many children be birthed and then reared a certain way, I am often baffled when I hear the parents complain about them once they are grown. I mean I’ve watched them spoil, coddle, baby, and figuratively spoon feed these children from day one. I’ve watched them make excuses for them, defend them and even lie for them. So when I hear them say that these now grown kids have no initiative, no motivation, no goals or dreams, I wonder why.
I have recognized what I think may have contributed to this behavior and I have come up with this list of things that one must do in order to turn their kids into a “forever dependent”. This is a full proof list of things that you can do in order to make sure that “Little Johnny or Suzy” remains totally dependent on you or somebody forever.
- Never give them chores to do. Allow them to think that someone will always be there to do things for them.
- Allow them to come between you and any person that you may have a healthy relationship with. Take their side no matter what. After all, that’s YOUR baby.
- Never encourage them to excel. ex: Showing up to school is enough, no need to try any harder than that.
- Let them think that the world owes them something. Yes, treat them like royalty. (false sense of reality rocks!)
- Over indulge them with things instead of time. Make sure they have the latest of everything. Video games, sneakers, all of it. (Do this whether you can afford it or not and do this whether they deserve it or not)
- Reward them for mediocrity. (make sure you do this over and over again.)
- Baby them. Especially your sons. Cook for them, clean for them, spoon feed them if they let you and do this until they are teenagers.
- Allow them to dictate what you are doing. Start this when they are really little. I love when I see 5 year olds who totally control their parent’s because I know where its going.
- Make excuses for them when they do wrong. Lie for them too. No consequences
- When they are over 18 and living in your basement (yes, they’ll still be in your house doing nothing since they have no goals) Do not ever charge them rent and be sure to keep the cable on and the the a/c working. We wouldn’t want them to be uncomfortable. Oh and keep the fridge stocked with all of their favorites.
Of course most of that was sarcasm, but seriously. I’ve lived long enough to understand what I believe creates a good and a responsible adult. Spoiling a child is NOT IT. We must stop over compensating for the parent that may or may not be there. We must stop trying to give our kids what we didn’t have and focus more on what we did have. For me that was discipline, leadership and guidance. Today my mom is my friend. My best friend really. However, when she was raising me, she was my mother. She demanded respect and she received it. She gave us instruction and expected us to abide. There were no tantrums. There were no discussions or time outs. With old school style parenting, parents were parents not friends. Kids were kids not decision makers. Discipline was essential and we turned out just fine. Today’s parent could learn a lesson from the old school.
BMWK – how is your parenting different from the way you were raised?