Is it just me, or does it seem that modern parents spoil the crap out of their kids? I’m sorry but if I see one more mom CARRYING a child that is bigger than she is, I’m gonna scream. If the child can walk, why isn’t he/she walking? I’ve seen children that appear to be 6 or 7 years old being pushed in strollers. The child is so big that the feet are dragging the ground. I’ve witnessed 10 year old children throwing toddler-like tantrums in PUBLIC! I will not say how my mother would have handled us had we tried some of these behaviors, because I want to stay PC. But let’s just say she didn’t believe in “time-outs”. I am no expert, but I have raised 3 sons into adulthood (2 in college, 1 in Air Force) and am now raising a daughter. I have also done the child rearing in a variety of different ways. Single with no other parental involvement, Single with an involved co-parent, and married with the my husband front and center.
I certainly believe in assisting grown children, but only if they are willing to help themselves. I do not believe in creating what I call “forever dependents” which are people that will forever have to depend on someone else for their well being because nobody ever taught them to do otherwise. Having witnessed many children be birthed and then reared a certain way, I am often baffled when I hear the parents complain about them once they are grown. I mean I’ve watched them spoil, coddle, baby, and figuratively spoon feed these children from day one. I’ve watched them make excuses for them, defend them and even lie for them. So when I hear them say that these now grown kids have no initiative, no motivation, no goals or dreams, I wonder why.
I have recognized what I think may have contributed to this behavior and I have come up with this list of things that one must do in order to turn their kids into a “forever dependent”. This is a full proof list of things that you can do in order to make sure that “Little Johnny or Suzy” remains totally dependent on you or somebody forever.
- Never give them chores to do. Allow them to think that someone will always be there to do things for them.
- Allow them to come between you and any person that you may have a healthy relationship with. Take their side no matter what. After all, that’s YOUR baby.
- Never encourage them to excel. ex: Showing up to school is enough, no need to try any harder than that.
- Let them think that the world owes them something. Yes, treat them like royalty. (false sense of reality rocks!)
- Over indulge them with things instead of time. Make sure they have the latest of everything. Video games, sneakers, all of it. (Do this whether you can afford it or not and do this whether they deserve it or not)
- Reward them for mediocrity. (make sure you do this over and over again.)
- Baby them. Especially your sons. Cook for them, clean for them, spoon feed them if they let you and do this until they are teenagers.
- Allow them to dictate what you are doing. Start this when they are really little. I love when I see 5 year olds who totally control their parent’s because I know where its going.
- Make excuses for them when they do wrong. Lie for them too. No consequences
- When they are over 18 and living in your basement (yes, they’ll still be in your house doing nothing since they have no goals) Do not ever charge them rent and be sure to keep the cable on and the the a/c working. We wouldn’t want them to be uncomfortable. Oh and keep the fridge stocked with all of their favorites.
Of course most of that was sarcasm, but seriously. I’ve lived long enough to understand what I believe creates a good and a responsible adult. Spoiling a child is NOT IT. We must stop over compensating for the parent that may or may not be there. We must stop trying to give our kids what we didn’t have and focus more on what we did have. For me that was discipline, leadership and guidance. Today my mom is my friend. My best friend really. However, when she was raising me, she was my mother. She demanded respect and she received it. She gave us instruction and expected us to abide. There were no tantrums. There were no discussions or time outs. With old school style parenting, parents were parents not friends. Kids were kids not decision makers. Discipline was essential and we turned out just fine. Today’s parent could learn a lesson from the old school.
BMWK – how is your parenting different from the way you were raised?
This is gospel!! Prov 13:24, well the whole chapter really. I don’t know how we got to this place, because it’s not how I was raised, but it stinks to high heaven. I think it stems mostly from a lack of fathers in the home, along with too much idle and unsupervised time. Now easy money and the appearance of wealth is all that so many of our young people can see. We gotta be and do better or things are only going to get worse.
Stacey Taylor says
I agree! Thanks for reading the post!
T. Espi says
Ha! Yes, yes and more yes. I fully agree with all of this. I’m gonna stop here because I too want to remain PC LOL
Stacey Taylor says
lol yes we MUST stay PC! Thanks for reading!
None of this is new. I have family members who are much older than I am who lived at home well into their 30’s. Also, the prisons are full of kids who were denied certain luxuries and were given chores to do. In the end, it’s on that individual “child” as to how they end up. No amount of raising can change a lack of drive or the inability to make good decisions. And some of those “spoiled” kids end up going on to get a good education, great careers, and achieve more than their parents ever could… Ask me how I know 🙂
Stacey Taylor says
Ok I’ll ask. How do you know that prisons are full of kids who were denied certain luxuries…?
I agree with your article but your first paragraph is completely offensive to me. I have a special needs mom. You cannot see my child’s disability, and until very recently, I had no choice to put her 7 year old self in a much too small stroller. Pediatric wheelchairs are not cheap. She looks like she can walk, but she can’t for very long. I have gotten the side eye almost every time we have left the house since she was three. I broke my hand carrying her because I had to go fo
od shopping and could not afford to pay a sitter. Plenty people have gone out of there way to tell me to let her walk. Parents do disservice to their children by not making them l earn to do for themselves, no question. The parallel between young children and lazy adult children was simply the wrong one.
I agree Cheryl, this article makes too many assumptions, because every situation is different.
Stacey Taylor says
You are correct. Every situation is different. That’s why I wrote about the situations that I am familiar with. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to leave a comment.
Stacey Taylor says
I am glad that you agree with the article. I am sorry that you were offended by the first paragraph. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to leave a comment.
Stacey, you must have been in my thoughts this morning! LOL I was just fussing at my husband & kids about this last night. My husband is the fun parents who allow the kids to get extra privileges without them first fulfilling and completing their current responsibilities. I snapped! I put my foot DOWN! If grades are not where I desire them to be, there is no Xbox, TV etc…..My house isn’t clean before bedtime? There will be no going outside the next day. Acting a fool at school? Gets them punished for a week and bedtime will be at 8:00pm. Don’t eat the dinner I slaved over the stove to cook? you eat it for dinner the next night because I am not cooking. I know I sound crazy yall, lol but I can’t be trying to raise these kids right & my husband (who work outside the home)messing up the system I have going on. I told them all last night, “I will not be raising lazy bums who think they are going to be living with me until they are 40! THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!” I mean exactly what I am saying….Alright. Let me stop venting. lol
This is like a slap for me, but I’m thankful for the confirmation. I am about to make some very drastic changes and after reading this. ..I have exhaled and it’s okay. Single mums especially let me say don’t feel guilty about putting your foot down..especially if your not honoured and respected. Let’s bring about the change we desire to see….Our children
this was a very pointed and true article. She is in no way speaking against kids with special needs. Come on, lets be honest hear.
There is definitely a whole lot of over compensating going on with kids these days. too much reasoning with kids, too much trying to be your kids friend. I agree 100% with every word spoken. The truth is not negative or positive, it’s simply the truth. I loved your article and will share it with others.