It seems like cheating and affairs are at an all time high; Hollywood scandal is full of how unfaithful this or that person is and their saga plays out in the media for us all to see and judge. The philanderer is dragged through the mud; but I think it’s time we step back for a second and look at the entire picture. People aren’t having affairs by themselves and it usually comes down to the issue of respect! Let’s talk about a few scenarios…follow me. People don’t cheat alone so here are a few kinds of folks they may end up “doing-the-do” with:
1) Mr. or Mrs. “they’re separated.”
Last I checked separated still meant married. As a coach, so many times I see people get involved with someone who is married just because they wanted so badly to believe that being separated means it’s okay to get involved with that person. These are the same people who end up hurt because “separated” doesn’t turn into divorce and he or she ends up right back with their husband or wife. Suddenly the person you thought you had built something with turns into a lying cheater (ironic right?).
Moral: Don’t put yourself in a situation that has so little clarity. Separated is still married and only divorced means divorced!
2) Mr. or Mrs. “Their mate must not be doing something right at home.”
This is the person who believes the hype and justifies having the affair by thinking he or she are the savior. The truth is that there is always more to the story. You see, you don’t have to deal with the person’s flaws. You see the best of that person without ever experiencing the worst of them and you think that because you are “filling the void” then they are going to leave their spouse for you. Let’s just say “I wouldn’t hold my breath.” Instead of trying to fill voids, just respect the fact that they are married and that’s not your job.
Moral: Rarely will people leave their husband or wife for you. But if they do, be prepared to see another side of them that you might not like as much.
3) Mr. or Mrs. “I didn’t know they were married.”
Okay, I understand that maybe the person may not have been truthful about his or her status, but let’s get real. We live in the information age where you can find out what you REALLY want to know. Between Google, Facebook, and girlfriends that can moonlight as private investigators there aren’t many secrets that can remain secrets for long: ESPECIALLY if the secret is “I’m married”. The truth is that you never did the research or noticed the red flags or asked the question because you didn’t want to; it’s easier for you (and your ego) to play victim in the end. Secondly, when many do find out their new mate is married, too many won’t and don’t stop the affair. Instead of cutting it off, you blame it on love or hope.
Moral: If you really wanted to know you could have found out.
Please don’t think that I’m taking it easier on the people who cheat on their mate by calling out the people they may cheat with….. because that isn’t my goal or my point. I mentioned in the start of this article about respect, those 7 letters that Aretha sang about. If we had more respect for relationships and marriages in general, even if they are not our own, it would be much harder for people to step out on those relationships because as I said earlier…people can’t cheat alone. Affairs don’t “just happen:” they take a conscious decision of two willing participants to start and continue them. The truth is that if we all placed more value on the institution of marriage then we would all be more accountable for what we do while in them, more relationships would be saved and fewer families would be broken.
BMWK Fam: Do you think we respect the institution of marriage as we should? Why or why not?