I’ve been in several conversations with friends and family about why some marriages end in divorce while others seem to stand the test of time. At some point, during those conversations there is always a discussion about people getting married for the wrong reasons, ultimately increasing their odds of having a failed marriage.
So why did I get married?
I got married because I believed I found the person I was meant to share the rest of my life with. I married my husband because I was certain that he loved and respected me. I was certain he would be a good dad. I was certain that we would build a wonderful life together.
Did I get married for the right reasons? I think did. I believe with every fiber of my being that I made the right choice.
But what if I didn’t? What if I chose my husband for all the wrong reasons? Where would we be today? Would we still be happily married? Would we be married at all?
While a marriage can end for a number of reasons, some marriages simply end because they never should have started.
Here are five bad reasons to get married.
You Are Ready to Have Children
I understand the desire to have children because I have always wanted to be a mom. When I got married a week before my 30th birthday, I knew I wanted kids to be a part of our near future. However, I didn’t get married because I wanted to have kids. I didn’t feel like my biological clock was calling the shots. And this goes for men as much as it does for women: although the desire to start a family is a powerful one, getting married just for that reason is asking for a future littered with trouble.
Getting Married Will Fix Things
I hate to break this to anyone who thinks otherwise, but getting married won’t fix your broken relationship. It just won’t. If your relationship is damaged prior to marriage, it will certainly be damaged after marriage. Marriage doesn’t fix broken relationships. You need a lot more than a ring and a marriage license to do that.
You Couldn’t Say, “NO”
If you care about someone—especially if you love that person—saying, “no” after a marriage proposal isn’t easy. You almost feel obligated to say, “yes.” After all, someone has just asked you to spend the rest of your life with him because he loves you that much. How can you say no to that? Honestly, you just have to do it. Marriage isn’t the type of commitment you enter into because you feel obligated.
You Feel Pressured
Whether it’s societal pressure, self-imposed pressure or pressure from your own mama, please don’t get married because you feel pressured. You must enter into marriage with a clear mind and a light heart. If you feel some force—other than your own desire—pressuring you to say, “I do,” you should probably say “I don’t” and think really hard about what’s next.
All Your Friends are Married
Since we aren’t in middles school anymore, I think it’s fair to say that doing anything just because your friends are doing it is dumb. No matter how much you love and admire your friends, you can’t make major life decisions based on the decisions they have made for their lives. You have to do what works for YOU.
You Are Tired of Feeling Lonely
Loneliness sucks. I get that. But the only thing worse than being alone and lonely is being married and lonely. Of course, companionship is part of why we get married, but it can’t be the only driving force. You shouldn’t get married just because you think it will make your life less lonely. If you marry the wrong person, the loneliness will persist.
BMWK family, what do you think are bad reasons to get married?