by Harriet Hairston
Another disclaimer: This is not an attack on church leadership. Again, I love the Lord, and have served in many aspects of leadership myself. This article is designed to discuss how SOME leaders abuse their spiritual authority by treating their followers harshly. Again, I love the Lord and His people, both in leadership and lay members.
That said:
Last week I discussed how church activity had a detrimental effect on my marriage because of the imbalance of it. I have received so many heartfelt responses regarding last week’s article about balancing church and marriage. I wanted to share some of the personal messages and comments I received from individuals through Facebook, Essence.com and my personal e-mail. It would seem that there is an epidemic of fear when it comes to leadership in churches, and I wanted to take the time to expose it for what it is:
- “Parishioners are often told the physical church (and the operation of it) = God. So to deny the church is to deny God. Many pastors abuse their authority with this kind of thinking. And because it is communicated in very subtle ways many people buy into it without even realizing it.” ~ T. R. (Maryland)
- “My hubby and I both are VERY active leaders in the church, have always been (were raised to do so).I am about to embark on a new journey (law school) and I started last year training people in the church to take over my church roles and obligations. I knew I couldn’t give both my best. Anyway, I noticed that when I started to pull back from church activities like praise team, Christmas coordinator, young adult minister, etc. there was this unspoken rule of animosity that I began to feel for pulling back. The black church makes you feel like WORKS is your ticket in, and faith has little to do with it.” ~ Y. G. (Georgia)
- “Girl, I had to get therapy after all that mess happened. The pastor was bullying me, and even came by my job to check on why I had stopped coming to church! It got to the point where I wouldn’t even answer the phone if my receptionist told me he was on the line. I haven’t stepped foot into a church since!” ~ L. H. (South Carolina)
- “When one of the church members left, I tried to stay in touch with her. I considered her a friend, and I was concerned about her and her marriage. I didn’t think ostracizing her would be a good reflection of the love of Christ. For a time we communicated, until my pastor found out about it. He was LIVID when he was told that I was in contact with her. I was suspended from leadership for six months. It confused me because I thought by caring for her and encouraging her to draw closer to Christ, I was doing the work of the Lord!” ~ R. W. (Illinois)
- “I never had a father, so I thought my pastor’s leadership style was just how it was supposed to be done. In my ignorance and search for a father I never had, I found a great slave master in the man I THOUGHT heard from the Lord.” ~ S. P. (Virginia)
And again, like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives. Authority in the church is supposed to guide, teach, admonish, rebuke, but above all, LOVE. All those things are supposed to be done with the love of God as its sole motivation. When the love of God is absent, you get the following:
- Leaders that feel threatened by members who have more money, talent, skill, gifts, etc. than they do.
- Preachers that spit out personal vendettas from the pulpit.
- Subtle threats and blatant insults from lips that should encourage and uplift.
- A virtual blacklisting, where leaders forbid church members from talking to those who have left, or those who have decided to scale back their church activity.
- Stalking and badgering members when they no longer invest as much time into ministry.
- Playing “divide and conquer” with spouses. When one wants to leave, there is a practice of targeting the one who is not so sure to get them to talk the other spouse into staying.
I would love to employ the 20/80 rule here. I hope that this only applies to around 20% of church leaders in the nation, and the other 80% have got it together and walk in love with the people who invest into ministry. However, judging from the responses I got, this is as widespread as the H1N1 Virus! We’ve got to get it together as a Body of Believers. From families to single members to the super spiritual who may not be of any earthly good (LOL), let’s walk in love towards one another. We don’t have to turn others away from Christ by misrepresenting Him!
Let’s give folks a better excuse than that!
God bless!
~ Harriet