“Good men are not the exception. They are simply the other choice.”
A year ago, I posted the above quote on my Facebook page as a result of a particular framing of questions that overwhelm social media and even have found their way into my private space through female friends. I’m sure you’ve seen if not asked the following questions yourself: “Why do men cheat?”, “Why is it hard for men to commit?”, “Why aren’t men honest?”, “Why do men lose interest after sex?”
My first thought when asked such questions is why are these questions asked of all men? Wouldn’t it be more fitting to ask the offenders? It’s like expecting a defense attorney to be qualified to answer questions regarding tax law simply because he’s an attorney. In the same way, though men share the same biology, they do not all share the same ideologies, habits, or practices.
A man who does not fit into any of the above categories is labeled “the exception.” Some would interject here, “I’m only speaking from my own personal experience.” In response, I would ask a few questions of my own. What does your experience suggest about your choices? Why do you choose men that cheat? Why do you choose men that will not commit? Why do you choose men that are dishonest? Why are you more familiar with bad behavior from men rather than good behavior? I realize these questions may be difficult to hear, however, they reflect your specific choices. As such, you should not expect a qualified answer from men who neither support these behaviors nor the men that practice them.
Men are not monolithic. Ultimately, it breaks down to this. There are good men and bad men. Good men are loyal, honest, trustworthy, and caring. There should be much more time and care given to identifying men that exemplify these qualities and far less attention given to men who don’t. It’s a waste of breath, space, and time to entertain the pursuits of lesser men. First, you must believe that good men do exist outside of fairytales. Good men are not the exception anymore than bad men are the rule. Don’t allow your past experiences to determine the quality of all men. Your experiences, good or bad, represent (1) specific individuals not men in general and (2) your own choices. Time allows us all space to grow. Our choices reflect our level of growth. Choose the good men that you deserve and you will find that better choices yield better results.