by Eric Payne
Most men in the married lane understand the following statement when it is spoken by their wives:
“If you loved me, you’d do what I asked…”
What leaves many men bewildered, dazed and often angered is the same statement with the unspoken directive (in parentheses below) attached to it:
“If you loved me you’d do what I asked (when I asked).”
Through my very unofficial polling of friends, relatives, wives of friends and ex-wives, I have determined that women fall into either one of the following categories: those who wholeheartedly have come to believe that their mate’s love for them is measurable based on how fast and how high they jump when told to jump; and those who, despite their agreement with the first group, have opted to embrace the belief that as long as their men do what is asked of them — the when and how of it is less important. Upon being questioned on the subject, these women seemed comfortable with letting their men get things done in their own way and time. This doesn’t mean that if a man is asked to take out the trash he should do it three days later. But it isn’t the end of the world if he happens to take it out after spending time with the kids, watching his favorite football team play his most hated team and/or some other thing he may be doing that doesn’t appear to be important. What matters is that he does it before he goes to bed or by whatever agreed upon deadline. Coming into agreement on these matters, of course, requires healthy and productive communication, patience and trust. According to these women they’ve learned through love to know that their men love them no less just because they don’t drop everything every time something is asked of them. These women indicated to me that they spend little to no energy worrying that what they ask won’t get done nor do they engage in the act of repeatedly reminding. They trust that their men will get the job done. And knowing they are trusted, these men get the job done.
In the ever raging debate of the Do What I Says versus Do When I Says, where do you fall? Do you believe a spouse’s love can or should be measured by how quickly he does what is asked of him?
Author of the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook), Eric talks about being a father and a husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler ““ Man, Dad, Husband. You can follow him on Twitter or find him chopping it up on his Facebook Page. He is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories. In his “spare time” Eric reviews autos and writes relationship articles for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.