Does God choose the person you’re supposed to marry? I used to think so. That false belief led me into unhealthy relationships. Let me explain.
I met my ex-fiance at the age of 19. I thought he was “The One.” We liked many of the same things and shared many of the same values. To top it all off, when asked by my father why he wanted to marry me, my ex said “The Lord told me to.” (Real romantic, huh?)
I struggled to let the relationship go even though all the signs of verbal and emotional abuse were there. I thought he was “the ONE” sent to me by God. “If only I prayed more or changed who I was, then things would work out,” I reasoned.
When I talked to his mother about what was going on in the relationship, she gave me a bit of advice I still remember to this day:
“He’s not your only option.”
I was confused.
In graduate school, I met another guy who announced, “God said you are my wife.” He was nothing like the kind of man I’d prayed for, but if God said it, I reasoned, then maybe He was giving me what I needed, not what I wanted. (I KNOW you’ve heard that one before). Things quickly unraveled when I discovered he was dating other women on the side.
Ironically, my husband never said anything about the will of the Lord or fate or destiny or any other phrase we tend use to describe meeting our one true love. In fact, my dream man kept telling me he wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Once we began dating, I prayed about our relationship because I didn’t want to make another mistake. God said to me, “Pay attention to his fruit.”
In other words, God was directing me to look at the results in my hubby’s life to figure out what kind of man he was so I could make the best decision about whether to be in a relationship with him.
Sure, there were fireworks, butterflies, and every other emotion you could feel when you’re falling in love. However, I wasn’t leaving it all up to fate; I was using wisdom to decide to get married, and so was my husband.
Question: If there’s only one true love for you out of the billions of people living on planet Earth right now, what happens if you make the wrong choice? What if Harry marries Angela, when he was supposed to marry Kisha? Well, Kisha’s life is messed up because now she has to marry Damien, who obviously is the wrong guy. Damien was supposed to marry Rachel, who was supposed to marry Rick. But now, everybody’s fate is destroyed. In fact, the destiny of the entire human race is thrown off course!
The wrong couples are having babies! What if the baby who is supposed to cure cancer is never born because Harry didn’t marry “The One”? Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But that’s what happens when we hold on to myths like fate, destiny and “the one true love.” It sounds romantic and it makes a good love story, but it doesn’t make much sense.
The downside to this myth is that it opens the door to fear of loss, encourages competition (among single women especially), paralyzes many singles in the dating process who don’t know if they’re choosing the right person because they didn’t hear a word from God, and it can also create resentment in a marriage (“I married the wrong person!” many people say).
Hanging on to this myth can also cripple those who have lost love through death or divorce and who feel as though they’ll never love again.
When you understand that soul mates are made and not born, you’ll realize you have permission to get rid of the fear of loss so that you can get to work on creating an amazing relationship!
But what about God’s will?
Dating is a grey area in the Bible; there aren’t any verses telling you, “Thou shalt not date” because–NEWS FLASH–no one went on a date during biblical times!!!!
Here’s a truth that will set you free: You come to know God’s will by understanding His ways. I believe God is less concerned about who you marry as He is about how you get married. In other words, do you do it God’s way?
Instead of seeking Him for “the ONE,” seek to know the way He wants us to relate to one another. Ask God for wisdom and discernment so you can make the best choice for your life.
The love of your life is waiting for YOU to create it. You can have the romance of your dreams but you gotta stop waiting passively for it and go after it!