Dek: With every pregnancy announcement—and trust me, there have been plenty—I found myself slipping further into depression and confusion…But I learned to live in the now.
It’s funny. I’ve been trying to write this post for a while now. I was even disguising my feelings, by initially naming it: Dear God: Where’s My Next Blessing? However, I know God has called me to be a voice and that requires me to be REAL. I have no choice, but to say what’s really on my mind, which is “Dear God: Where’s My Baby?”
My husband and I have been married for 1.5 years. We knew we didn’t want to have children immediately, and spent the first eight months enjoying one another. We weren’t worried about children because we knew we had a plan. However, the many inquiries of family and friends asking when we will have a baby proved to be a bit too much, causing me to wonder the same thing.
Public Service Announcement: It’s never okay to ask a woman about her womb. I know people mean well and are sometimes excited about their loved ones starting a family, but you NEVER know what that couple is going through behind closed doors. There may be issues of infertility, sickness or disease. That simple question can be more hurtful than you’ll ever know, especially if it’s ALWAYS being asked and especially if you’re actively TRYING to conceive. How does one explain why the egg and sperm have yet to come together?
My husband was previously married to a beautiful woman by the name of Geneisha for five years. During year two of their marriage, Geneisha was diagnosed with cancer. At year five, she went home to be with the Lord. My husband never had the opportunity to start a family and came into our marriage super excited about all the possibilities. And I can honestly say that there’s nothing more I’d rather do than give my husband brown babies with sparkling eyes and wild hair.
However, can we enjoy the blessing of right now? With so many people asking me when I would conceive, I found myself beginning to question God’s timing. With every pregnancy announcement—and trust me, there have been plenty—I found myself slipping further into depression and confusion. I even semi-jokingly wondered if God had gotten my prayers mixed up, mistakenly blessing everyone else with conception.
It was rough, and it was honestly one of the most difficult spaces in life I’ve ever experienced. But God’s consistent faithfulness is a hard thing for me to forget. And I found myself remembering all He has done for me. The LAST thing I wanted to do was to be ungrateful like the children of Israel in the Bible.
Although God was faithful to them, safely bringing them out of slavery, providing manna from heaven and bringing them into a land flowing with milk and honey—all they managed to do was complain and murmur. They failed to appreciate the blessing of where they were RIGHT NOW. They were free, no longer slaves, had food and direct communication with God. However, when a little moment of opposition came their way, they lost faith in God—they even created a golden calf to worship, forgetting about God.
I don’t want to be like the children of Israel.
Whatever season you’re in, I challenge you to enjoy the blessing of where you are RIGHT NOW. If you’re single and your family keeps asking when you’ll settle down, gently inform them that only God knows and, until then, you’re enjoying the blessing of today. If you’re married and longing to start a family, don’t overlook the blessing that exists in this season you and your spouse have together because you’re going to miss it when the babies come.
The moral of the story is: seasons change. Find the beauty in where you are right now.
BMWK, how do you remain steadfast while you wait for your blessing?
