by Aja Dorsey Jackson
Shortly after buying our first home last summer, my hours at my full time job were cut to part time and I was eventually laid off. The loss of income has affected every area of our lives and our marriage has not been exempt from the impact.
The effects go far beyond the obvious financial cutbacks we’ve had to make like no more dining out or planning to take family vacations. For me, the financial uncertainty has resulted in an overall loss of peace of mind and left me with a lot of anger and occasionally depression. Intellectually I can understand that we are in a recession, jobs are lost, cut backs have to be made. Spiritually I can try to lean on the belief that God will provide and everything will be okay.
But everything doesn’t feel okay when we are trying to figure out how we are going to pay for (insert just about anything here). Nor does it feel okay when after nearly a year of under/unemployment, despite my degree and nearly ten years of experience in my field, I haven’t been able to land even an entry level job. The job loss has forced me to be a stay-at-home mom, a job that I did not desire to have. I have watched how the pressure of basically being the sole breadwinner has affected my husband, who is self-employed.
Unlike some of the families in CNN’s Almighty Debt special, before the layoff I felt like we were doing what we were supposed to do. We saved our money and bought a house within our means. We paid our bills on time. We didn’t rack up debt buying things that we couldn’t afford. It is probably only for these reasons that we are still in our home and able to keep up with at least some of the bills.
But we didn’t plan that I would be out of work for almost a year. The real uncertainty comes when thinking about the future. What happens when I haven’t found a job and the unemployment runs out? What happens the day that I get sick and need the health insurance that I don’t have? What happens when the tuition bill for my daughter comes and there is no longer any money to pay it? Riding that emotional rollercoaster over the past several months has been a source of mental stress and has on many occasions caused tension between my husband and me.
We’ve had to commit to either using our financial challenges to draw us closer together or allowing them to split us apart. The choice seems clear, but the daily application of it isn’t easy. We have to continuously reshape our marriage to fit the lives that we have right now. That means trying to figure out new things to do for fun. That means creating different plans for the future. That means realizing that one of us is extremely stressed or tired and learning whether to offer some alone time or a shoulder to lean on.
I pray that more of this bumpy road is behind us than ahead, but if there is one thing that I am certain of it is my love for my family. For richer or poorer with love and determination I know that we will make it through.
Has the recession affected your marriage? What have you done to remain strong during tough financial times?
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.