Yes, 20 seconds. Allow me to explain. I know there is always some sort of pressure any time we’re asked to do something in just seconds. But there are several things a person can accomplish in 30, 25 and yes, even 20 seconds. For example, did you know you can brighten someone else’s day in just 20 seconds? Sharing a friendly smile or even a warm greeting will do the trick. You can also donate to a worthy cause, motivate your children, melt butter, soften ice cream in a microwave, and perform a Google search on just about anything.
There are also actions couples can take in their relationships which have the power to either negatively or positively impact both partners. Believe it or not, quite a few of the decisions that lead to those actions only take a few seconds. Like deciding to make a point to your spouse by yelling, or not listening at all, storming off and being downright disrespectful all take a mere 20 seconds or less. It’s making the decision and the quick follow through that usually cause the most relationship damage.
Too often, we relinquish our power and allow that inner gremlin to surface and raise all sorts of hell in what could be a happy home. But let’s not be so quick to blame it on the inner gremlin. Again it’s the follow through that creates the most drama. I can’t even begin to tell you how many crazy thoughts I’ve had. If I were to act on every one of them, I would be out of a job, broke, and without a family. For that very reason, it is a must that I take time to carefully consider the decisions I make, the words I use and the behaviors I display, especially in the heat of conflict. See, I am completely committed to the health of my marriage and my desire is to be the best spouse possible. I am sure I’m not alone. I mean, who gets married just for the relationship to fail?
Well, being a better spouse will require all of you; your energy, effort and consistency. So if you’re ready to make that commitment here’s a really simple way to be a better spouse in just 20 seconds:
Clear your mind of any thoughts you have that are self-serving.
In case anyone is wondering whether or not their thoughts are self-serving, here’s a quick tip: when your spouse’s feelings are nowhere to be found in the decision you’re about to make regarding your relationship. If you find yourself in this position more often than not, I am 100% sure you’re not being an ideal spouse. If I can call it, so can your partner. I get that this may not matter to some, but to those who truly desire a marriage built on love and respect, this small act will make a difference.
Our beliefs lead to our thoughts and our thoughts lead to our actions. Poor thinking breeds poor behavior, which ends relationships. We must be more present and disciplined in our thoughts. Shifting our focus, in each moment, takes seconds. Asking yourself, how is my husband/wife going to feel if I respond this way, ask this question, Keeping the following scripture front and foremost is also helpful.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29.
Our goal as a spouse should focus on bringing peace, love and truth into our homes. Again, it only takes seconds to be the spouses we hope to be. The more moments we put this into practice, the more natural it will become. We must be spouse-focused and utilize those 20 seconds to increase the survival rate of our marriages.
BMWK, what other actions can you take in 20 seconds to become a better spouse?