First, let me give a very important disclaimer. I do not support cheating by any man for any reason. It is the highest order of treason as well as an act of cowardice and selfishness. It is also a clear indication that a male is misguided in his understanding of the role that manhood requires of him when he chooses to pursue a relationship with another woman.
The following points for consideration are not specific to men in general. They are specific to men who cheat. It is imperative that it is understood that these are two different categories of men.
There are men who are vehemently opposed to cheating on one hand. On the other hand, there are males who believe cheating is an acceptable practice that is justified by any number of reasons that support their interests or agendas. For the purposes of this article, our attention will focus on the men who cheat.
It is a common practice for cheating men to blame their victims for the misdeeds committed against them which doubles their victimization. Not only is a woman cheated on, but she is made to feel as though she is responsible for her “insignificant” other’s decision to cheat.
She is left feeling inadequate because of his infidelity only to learn that, according to him, her inadequacy is what prompted his behavior. The compromising of her value lends itself to her download spiral. A vicious cycle of similar relationships often follows when a woman’s self-worth is all but destroyed.
Cheating Men and the Women Who Seem to Love Them
For clarity, I don’t believe any woman really loves a cheating man as much as I believe she struggles with loving herself.
It’s bad to be cheated on. It’s worse to become a willing participant in your own degradation to the point of defending your abuser against those that justly indict him for his illicit acts.
Such men must be identified and avoided by all women that want to build strong, healthy relationships with men. The following are 3 reasons he cheats and why he won’t stop.
1. Another Woman’s Prize
Has another’s woman’s poison now, become your cure? If you ‘won’ him from another woman, what prevents him from being won from you by a woman who employs the same tactics that you used to win him?
Obviously, men are not items that can be stolen like valuable gems from another woman’s jewelry box.
If you ‘took’ him, clearly, he wanted to go.
How can any woman trust a man who has proven that he cannot be trusted by cheating with her during the time he was committed to another woman? He violated both trust and loyalty in one fell swoop. There is no sure foundation to build upon when trust and loyalty are compromised.
2. The Sex Trap
Sex was all he ever wanted from the relationship. Some males will express this either verbally or by their actions. Here’s what it looks like visually.
- A man introduces himself to you and expresses an interest in you.
- As things progress, you notice that he only has time for you when sex is a part of the equation. Otherwise, he’s busy.
- Somehow, you convince yourself that this is fair and you’re okay with it when you’re not.
- You are torn emotionally because you want something more substantial than a “pound of flesh” in your bed.
In an act of full disclosure, he lets you know that he is not interested in a “serious relationship.” By serious, what he really means is, he will not be liable for any emotional damage you may experience once this is all over.
Soon, you will realize the light you see at the end of the tunnel is not the ray of hope that you had wished for. Rather it is the headlight of a swift moving train and the man you offered your love to is the driver.
3. Fattening Frogs for Snakes
Have you ever felt like you were the girl that prepared the men you dated for the women they would ultimately marry? Does it seem like all or too many of your exes or guys you dated went on to marry another woman shortly after your relationship with them was over? It’s not that you prepared them for their brides. It’s not that at all.
What sometimes happens is that a woman makes herself available to a man at all costs to prove her value to him. There is no inherent danger in responding to a man, in kind, after his expression and show of interest.
Unfortunately, an unscrupulous man will take advantage of a woman in every way that she allows even when he knows that there is no possibility of a relationship above the Platonic. She lowers her standards to accept any behavior from him to continue to receive his attention. This only lowers her value as a person.
She is only an object to be used for sexual, financial, and any other material gain he can get from her. When a woman that he truly values comes along, he won’t hesitate to end this pseudo relationship to avoid jeopardizing the relationship he is establishing with a woman of higher standards. In no time, he’s married and you’re left with only more pain and unanswered questions seeking closure beyond the closing of yet another door.
No woman deserves any of this and I strongly believe that none of them really want to find themselves here in this space, especially not repeatedly. It is impossible to avoid pain altogether even when you’re in a great relationship. How much more can you expect when men are chosen that fit too neatly within the framework that we have just explored?
If only men wore a sign that identified who they are, right? I believe they do. If you can relate to what was shared above, you have seen at least “three reasons he cheats and why he won’t stop.”
A man’s words, in concert with his actions, identify who he is.
When he has proven himself to be the wrong man for you. Don’t try to change him and don’t waste time on his empty promises to change himself. These serve only to buy more of your time at a highly discounted rate.
Find what’s necessary within yourself to move on. Every step in that direction counts in your favor. Take only the lessons you have learned along with you. Leave whatever else is left behind.
BMWK, what can help you walk toward a better relationship and away from a cheating man?