Life has taught me that cheating doesn’t have to be an automatic end to your marriage. You and your spouse relate on a number of different levels. Even though trust has been broken, you still love each other and share various aspects of life.
That love, along with multiple threads that still connect you, may have been stretched almost to the breaking point. But, they can also be used to pull you back together…if you let it, but the choice is yours.
Choose wisely. As long as there is honesty, forgiveness and a determination to fix your relationship, it can and will heal. I know this to be a fact because it has proven true in our marriage and countless other marriages too.
Sometimes, the non-cheating spouse may suspect that their partner may be cheating, but they’re not sure. So how do you know when your spouse is being unfaithful?
There are certain behaviors that cheating spouses have in common:
They get caught in the Act
Of course, if you catch them in the act, that’s crystal clear! Wouldn’t you agree?
No excuse can stand up to what you saw with your own eyes. Other times, however, it is not as easy to tell if they are actually cheating. More than likely, though, your spouse has done a number of questionable actions that point to unfaithfulness. Or you would not be questioning it and/or feeling uneasy. Or as my good girl friend says, your spider senses may be tingling. Meaning your intuition is in over drive.
They are emotionally absent
Emotional cheating is one of them. When your spouse has wandering eyes or does casual social flirting, but never physically acts on the impulses, it is still a form of infidelity. He or she doesn’t realize it, but doing these seemingly “harmless” things is punching holes in your relationship.
They have no interest in Intimacy
The cheating spouse may take to the Internet, sneaking and watching porn, or doing anonymous emailing with potential sexual partners met online. They may be frequenting dating sites or flirting in private virtual rooms online.
One common clue that your spouse is cheating is that they seem to lose their desire for intimacy with you or starts to shut you out. Just because the cheating is being done remotely, does not change the fact that it is cheating. They have transferred some of their love and commitment away from you.
They can’t account for their time
There may be gaps of time unaccounted for. They may lie about their whereabouts and be away when they used to be there – like for your children’s activities and dinner.
They may make sure that you never have access to their cell phone or text messages. If they weren’t cheating, they would not care if you happened to see who their texting or talking to.
They try to turn the tables
Another clue that a spouse is cheating is that they accuse the non-cheating spouse of cheating. In other words, they accuse you of doing the very thing they’re doing. Maybe they figure that if you were cheating too, then everything would be even, and you would have no right to accuse them of anything.
They don’t show you any respect
Finally, the way they treat you shows that they have lost respect for you. You may have done nothing wrong, but because they have cheated, they feel guilty, so they verbally tear you down. They may criticize you or make fun of you behind your back to their friends.
If your spouse is displaying any or all of these behaviors, it may be time to have a candid conversation about your relationship and their commitment to it. While none of these in and of themselves are a bullet proof cheating test, they help open up the conversation to possibly improve your relationship.
If you would like to learn if and how these behaviors can be changed, check out the next article coming soon.
BMWK, what are some other signs of a cheating spouse?
