Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I have this boyfriend that I have been dating for almost three years now and we are planning to settle down. Recently, I found out that he has been dating several females. He told me that he could date several women because I have not made up my mind to marry him. After I told him that I was ready to marry him I found out that another girl called him and told him that she misses him. To make a long story short, he is dating her as well and told her to call him at work because he has a wife. My Fiancé is Dating Another Woman, Do You Think That I Should Marry Him?
Thanks,
Need Advice
Dear Need Advice,
You are not in a healthy relationship and you definitely should not move forward with the marriage. Any man who dates several women and lies about it is not marriage material. Please be mindful that how a man treats you prior to marriage is a reflection of how he is likely to treat you after marriage. He asked you to marry him but decided to keep his options open because you did not respond quickly enough.
Some people believe that you get what you deserve or settle for. I dislike this saying because people settle for a lot of things that are not good for them. This occurs mainly because they have not experienced what is good for them or are not sure about what they deserve. I am not sure of your dating experience, but I would highly recommend that you seek professional counseling so that you can gain a better understanding of what is good for you. Based on the fact that you are still entertaining marriage, you could clearly benefit from some guidance.
You have to learn when to compromise and when not to. For starters, never compromise your self-worth or dignity. If a man doesn’t find you worthy of honesty and respect, he does not deserve you. A man’s character or moral qualities is his blueprint. If he finds it morally acceptable to lie and to be deceitful, then he will probably find it morally acceptable to cheat and cover it up.
Move on and save yourself some emotional pain and distress. The way someone thinks typically influences how he or she behaves. Your boyfriend’s thinking is irrational and so is his behavior. In my opinion he is not a person of good character and is displaying what you will probably experience after you say I do. Do not fool yourself into believing that he is different than what he is showing you now. Maya Angelou once stated, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.”
I wish you the best but, more importantly, I wish that a good man finds and loves you in the manner in which you deserve.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.