by Eric Payne
Not long ago I had the opportunity to speak to a former coworker of mine named Andrew. He is a dynamic individual who in his spare time conducts workshops for young teens, ages 11-19, about financial literacy, male and female etiquette, leadership styles and skills, and HIV/AIDS Awareness. He’s an individual who in his own words came from nothing, overcoming street gangs, violence, prison and even a near death experience to become a mentor and motivational speaker. His story is a truly an amazing and inspired one.
According to Andrew, “Your child wants you to talk with him about sex. And you HAVE to have that talk.” It is critical to get everyone comfortable with one another so that the conversations can be had, understood and accepted NOW and not later in hindsight as an adult. The context of this talk is up to you. Of course we don’t want our children to engage in sexual activity based on our beliefs and maybe even based on mistakes we’ve made along the way. And the prevalence of teen pregnancy, the preponderance of single motherhood resulting from it and the subsequent direct link to poverty can’t be statistically ignored or denied. For any and all the reasons we don’t want our children to engage in this activity they need to be shared via a two-way conversation with your child: one that leaves the thought/fear-realm of your mind and exits your mouth. Then you have to use your ears to listen to your kid(s) so they feel comfortable enough to truly share.
Andrew also shared 3 simple tactics to get a handle on your developing child and engage them in conversations about sex, abuse and anything else for that matter.
- Be your child’s friend on the social networks they participate in (that is if you allow them to at all). Do this no matter how much neither of you might not want this do this. These sites will give you clear insight into their friendships, influences and the conversations they’re having out of your presence.
- Listen to the music they’re listening to. Yes, as parents we’d all like to believe that the music choices in our homes and on our iPod playlists are the only ones our kids are listening to, but this isn’t true. Music has been making the world go round for generations, inspiring each one for better or worse. Best believe it has the power to influence your child. Especially in today’s media- and tech-driven society.
- Set up designated one-on-one time for just you and your child. This can happen once (or twice) a week or month, or however much your schedules allow. Father-Son Day, Dad & Daughter Day, Mother-Daughter Day, etc. No different than you would if you were someone’s mentor or Big Brother/Big Sister. Eventually, they’ll look forward to it and begin opening up more.
These are just three steps to opening the lines of communication with your children. In light of the recent New York Times article about sexting the dangers of not knowing who your child is behind closed doors and them not knowing they can come to talk to you can create disastrous, life-altering results.
BMWK, what do you do to keep an open line with your children about sex and other difficult subjects?
Follow Eric on Facebook and Twitter. He has written the articles Investing In An Emotional Letdown and the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook). He keeps it candid about being a man, dad and husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. In his “spare time” Eric reviews autos, tech products and writes relationship articles for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.