I used to love without fear a long time ago….when all I ever wanted was love
STOP….Think about it! No seriously think back to that time in your life when you loved so innocently….no fear, no guilt. Maybe it was your first love, your college sweetheart, or even your current significant other. It doesn’t really matter who it is or was, but we all had that feeling at one point or another. Remember how pure it was, remember when you woke up with that person on your mind and went to sleep feeling or hoping to feel that person next to you in your bed. You felt like you never wanted to lose that lustful feeling, like everything was just right, and like he/she could do no wrong. You found pleasure even in the awkward physical moments, you found something cute about the jealous moments, and you found comfort in the making up after the fighting moments. Wow those were the good old days weren’t they!? Then….
Somebody came around and tried to hurt me, tried to make me feel like I was unworthy, took a pure love and tried to make it dirty
It happened…somebody you really loved did something that hurt you terribly. It made you question whether or not it was ever worth it. Was swallowing this pill called love, really worth this side effect called pain? The disappointment lingers on….you ask…what did I do wrong? Why would he or she do this to me? Did he or she ever really love me in the first place? Your heart like a volcano erupts with anger, overflows with lava tears, and calms into ashes of bitterness. Your mind and your heart make an agreement and vow NEVER to love or trust again. Then you…
Had a paralyzing fear of facing failure, and I couldn’t love you perfectly without fear in my head
You met somebody! They are great….they look good on paper, interview well, and even perform the job well! Something must be wrong though…they are just too nice. Not to mention they call you every day and they always want to spend time with you….go figure…this can’t be right. You begin the superficial self-handicapping because there is no way they are who they seem to be. Furthermore remember you promised yourself you weren’t getting into anything serious and you sure aren’t doing that love thing again. They tell you they want something more…the fear sets in…so you call them and have the “friend zone” conversation.
“We should just be friends.” Yeah that’s what you said. They agree because their pride won’t let them tell you they are devastated. All they really wanted was to love you how you deserved to be loved and for you to return the favor. They continue to call, but slowly and surely the phone calls come less often, and the wanting to see you comes far and few between. For some reason the less they call the more you think about them. You miss their smile, their conversation, the fun y’all had, and how comfortable you felt around them. You think “maybe I liked them more than I thought; maybe we should have been more than friends.” Months later you see them…they see you…but then you look at their left hand and clinching the hand is the illusion of yours, but the reality is they have chosen someone else to be by their side.
Something awkward about the selflessness it takes to, give love and the good that it makes you!
Being hurt will never hurt as bad as being loved feels good. With that being said, do yourself a favor and get out of your own way! Stop letting the fear of being hurt again overshadow the joy in the love you could have. LET GO…and stop letting your past cheat you out of your future. I GET IT, letting go of your past is scary and it isn’t easy, but the new person in your life doesn’t deserve to be hurt by the old situation in your life! After all holding on to your love won’t make giving it away any easier.
I had to lose myself, so I could love you better….lose myself in love!
BMWK — Have you been able to get out of your own way when it comes to love?