Dear Dr. Buckingham,
Hope you are well. I have doubts about the man in my life; it’s difficult to trust him. He impregnated a lady while we were dating, then I became pregnant. We broke up because I couldn’t bear it; but now that our son is 4 years old, he came back and asked for forgiveness.
I forgave him and he wants me to just give myself to him. He wants me to come see him after work and just have sex. I told him that I was too scared to give him my heart because I don’t know where we are going.
I don’t know what to do – I even told my grandmother about it and she says I should just get married and sort things out after; but is it advisable that I do that? Should I Get Married then Sort Out My Problems?
Confused
Dear Confused,
I know that you turned to your grandmother for guidance. This is great, but I have learned that a large percentage of older women come from the “school of suck it up.” My grandmother was taught to stick with her man if he was a great provider.
If the provider could provide emotional comfort and was trustworthy, that was icing on the cake. With this in mind, I truly appreciate you for taking the time to seek wise counsel.
I believe that everyone deserves a second chance because we all make mistakes. However, I strongly recommend that you do not get married, especially if you still have concerns.
I promise you that marriage does not fix drama.
If drama is present before you get married, it is likely to be present after you get married. Also, drama typically intensifies after marriage because the stakes are higher. Before marriage you can walk away without legal, financial and long-term emotional implications.
Related: Here are 10 risks of infidelity that you should be aware of.
After marriage, you will find yourself fighting for things that keep you trapped in the marriage. Whatever you decide, please do not marry into drama.
When you decide to jump the broom, do so with a peace of mind. We all get anxious about something before marriage, but your anxiety should be good…not stressful. If your son’s father cannot provide direction now, he probably will not provide direction later.
If he wants to be with you make him prove himself…not in the bed. Pay attention to his actions, not his words.
Make sure he treats you like a queen and carries himself like a king. Selecting a lifetime partner should not be taken lightly. If you truly want to know if your guy friend is marriage material, please visit my website at www.drbuckingham.com and purchase a copy of my newest book entitled, You Deserve More: A Single Woman’s Guide to Marriage.
Trust me, this book will provide you with everything you need to make the right decision about your lifetime partner. If you are not satisfied with the information I outlined in the book, please return it and I will refund your money. If you decide not to purchase my book, please obtain some information or seek counsel in person.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.