One rule that Che and I follow in our marriage is the “No Declarations” Rule. On the surface it seems like its repressive and stifling, but the truth is, that it is one of the best rules we came up with. It forces us to be true partners and to communicate about all things, and especially those things that may have a profound impact on our marriage, household and future. When you think about what it really means to be a partner, it means to have shared (and in its purest form equal) decision making.
When you get an idea to start a business, take up a new hobby or even significantly alter your look, it is important that you invite your partner in on the ground floor of the project. He/she will help you troubleshoot, will offer ideas for resources and suggest people in your collective network who could help you. Whenever I get a new idea about a project or goal I’d like to develop, my husband is my greatest resource because he knows me better than anyone.
Not only is he able to offer me suggestions, he can help me troubleshoot some of the potential challenges based on my strengths and weaknesses. No spouse wants to ever feel like they are last on your list or like the whole world knows about something before they do. This is especially true if you’re like an octopus, juggling multiple projects and coming up with new initiatives faster than your partner can keep up with.
Most spouses are going to be resistant to anything that feels like it threatens the security of their role and importance in your life. Jump in front of that resistance by inviting your love to contribute in the best way that they can. Before you decide to tell your partner about the new decision you’ve made, consider inviting your partner into the conversation. Even if you are not necessarily seeking their approval, your marriage will thank you for it.
BMWK Family, how do you include your spouse in your decision making?