If the desire of your heart is to be married, then being single is really the proving ground for “life after” singlehood. There are some character traits we can develop as singles that are necessary to being complete individuals by the time we walk down the aisle:
Confidence
As a relationship coach, I have worked with people who lack confidence issues. I think the key for those of us who lack confidence is to begin to believe in yourself. Confidence is the sum of how you carry yourself and how you think of yourself. There are some men who confuse confidence with brashness and cockiness and that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m referring to having a quality of belief in yourself. You don’t have to be overbearing or “in your face” to be confident. You simply must have faith in yourself that you can be the man you want to be. It’s also important to note that confidence is an attractive trait. Your confidence in yourself should make you fully aware that you are the right man for the right woman in your life.
Patience
While single, it’s a great time to work on developing patience. It’s often said when we ask for patience, we are given the opportunity to be patient. There’s a lot of truth in this, so be careful what you ask for. There are times we have a problem with expecting someone to do something the way we would do it. We can’t understand why they can’t clean, manage money or maybe stay in a career long term like we might do it. The fact is, we are all different.
We bring different skill-sets, different backgrounds and different irritations to the table when we get together. Knowing this to be fact, it’s good to develop a level of patience before you build a relationship. I remember my grandmother having “The patience of Job” when dealing with my grandfather. He was a good man, but like in any relationship, there were trying times. Patience diffused the situation where pride would have incited the situation.
Consideration
One very cool thing about being single is for quite a bit of our single lives, we don’t have to think about anyone other than ourselves. Back in the day when I was single and 23, I took trips, bought cars often, and a new pair of brand name sneakers every couple of weeks. Being a spontaneous spirit anyway, this was an awesome life as I knew it. When I started dating seriously and later having children, I had to learn that I had to defer my consideration to them. Whatever my children need (needs—not wants) comes before my wants. Whatever my family needs comes before me. Sometimes, we don’t learn this until we’re right in the middle of a “situation.” A marriage, child on the way, blended families, etc.
If we learn to be considerate early in life while we are still single, it makes the transition to a relationship much easier. Take the time to help someone who needs it. Make it a point to put their needs first (even when you aren’t tied together and you don’t have to). Mentor a little sister or brother. Volunteer at an assisted living community. When other people become the center of your universe and not yourself, then you grow in handling responsibility and you develop the heart of a considerate person. This will serve you well in your relationships.
These traits build character, which resonates in all relationships, not just the romantic ones. Confidence, patience and consideration are parts of our character which when developed and maintained make us attractive on the inside and not only on the outside. Cultivate and grow these traits to prepare for successful relationships.
BMWK – what other character traits should we develop prior to marriage?