by Ronnie Tyler
As couples, we have to compromise all of the time. On a daily basis we have to agree on how to spend our money, on how we spend our time, on how we discipline our kids…etc. Compromise is an important skill for a successful and healthy relationship. When you compromise, both parties give up a little for the common good of the relationship.
But why compromise if you are going to be a —- about it? And you can fill in that word yourself…(i.e. – jerk, ass,…I bet you know some words that will fit there.)
For instance, you finally agree to go shopping with your wife. She enjoys shopping and you don’t. But you know that you should show some interest in things that she likes to do. So you go…. but the entire time that you are there you are being a —-. And after she listens to your whining and complaining and rushing her to decide between the 3 black dresses that she’s looking at, she finally looks at you and says: “I wish you would have stayed at home.” So really…what was the point of you agreeing to go if you were going to make her miserable while you were there ..huh?
Or how about this. You have been asking your husband to help out more around the house. You are not the maid and don’t feel like all of the household chores should rest solely on your shoulders…it’s a real problem for you and you let it be known. Finally, your husband agrees to take on more responsibilities around the house. And after he does them, you go completely off on him because he does not do them the “right way” (your way) or he did not do them when you wanted them done. So he did the chores…but still got a tongue lashing.
Another example (and one that I am personally guilty of myself) is when your husband asks you to watch Sunday afternoon football with him. He loves football and would love it if you showed some interest from time to time. So you agree to watch the game, but the entire time you are complaining, trying to turn the game, falling asleep, talking on the phone. So are you really showing an interest in one of your husband’s favorite past times?
I could go on and on with examples. But I bet we all can probably think back to times where we have acted like a complete —- after we have agreed to compromise in our relationships. So here are some great tips that I have found to be helpful in compromising:
Try to come as close to a win/win situation as possible. Don’t agree to something that causes a great loss for either person. And yes, I know this is not always possible. But one person should not always be the only one in the relationship making concessions.
Don’t just think of yourself. Think of what the other person would want…remember you want this to be a mutual agreement that both parties can benefit from and not just yourself.
Communication is key. Be very specific about the terms of the agreement in order to minimize misunderstandings. So if your husband agrees to do more around the house, you should also come to an agreement as to when things need to be done…etc. For instance, he agrees to cook dinner twice a week…..but he cooks at 9 pm. This is really not a very good arrangement because by 9 pm, everyone is starving and the kids should really be in bed. Taking the time to discuss expectations will help to prevent additional problems….because trust me…hungry,cranky kids are definitely a problem 🙂 !
Don’t commit to do something that will make you feel bad about yourself or that will make you resentful. Take this time to discuss your true feelings about the situation…. suppressing your feelings will only lead to resentment that will come out in other ways.
Do not go back on your word!! Don’t commit to do something that you know you will not follow through with (i.e. if you know that you hate shopping to the core of your being..then perhaps you will suggest another one of your wife’s hobbies to show interest in….)
And this leads me to the final point.
Be happy with the outcome… remember that you are doing something that is best for you as a couple. So once you make a decision….let go of the attitude and any bad feelings that you have and try to enjoy the experience.
BMWK family, what tips do you have when it comes to compromising?