I consider myself a happy wife. Am I happy with my husband every single day of the week? Not at all. Is he happy with me every day? I doubt it. I mean, neither of us is perfect. But, we’ve found a way to understand each other – most of the time—and the challenges that are thrown our way on a daily basis are manageable. We do our best to keep the other happy and usually we get it right.
There is nothing wrong with having complaints or feeling like some joy is missing. The problem lies in simply complaining, and doing nothing productive about it.
But for all couples, even the happy ones, we run into our unhappy moments. Maybe it’s a rare occurrence, or maybe there is this one thing within your marriage that consistently makes you unhappy. It could be something new, or maybe it’s been an issue for years and you are at your breaking point. Whatever it is, the unhappiness becomes a problem, particularly if your unhappiness goes unrecognized by your spouse and unaddressed by you.
Here are some of the top reasons why people are unhappy in their marriages. If any of these ring true for you, begin to take steps towards finding your joy again. You deserve it and so does your marriage.
- You are overwhelmed. Between taking care of children, our careers, aging parents, and all the other things we are responsible for, becoming overwhelmed is almost inevitable. Many of us (especially women) don’t know how to ask for help. As a result, the overwhelming feeling increases and unhappiness sets in.
- You don’t feel appreciated. Feeling appreciated is one of the best feelings in the world, so when someone feels like they give their spouse their all, only to feel like it’s not appreciated—well, that can be one of the worst feelings in the world.
- The romance is gone. Romance is usually a big part of our relationships in the early days, but over time it can fade. That fading is not necessarily a reflection of how much our spouse loves us, but it can leave some people feeling like maybe their spouse’s feelings have changed. When you have doubts about the love your spouse feels for you, it hurts.
- Sex has become a thing of the past. Sex is an important part of a marriage, not only because of the pleasure it brings, but also because of the intimacy involved. When couples stop having sex regularly, something isn’t right with their relationship and that something needs to be worked out.
- You are unclear about the life you really want. Marriage is romanticized a lot and sometimes people enter the union expecting one thing and getting something totally different. When that happens, you can be left wondering what it is you really want for your life. When you ask yourself that question and can’t answer it, you start to feel confused and lost, and that can lead to sadness.
- You don’t feel supported or encouraged. Whether it’s help with the kids, help with the house, or help pursuing your personal dreams, when the person we decide to spend our lives with doesn’t give us the support and encouragement we need to live life well, it can be hurtful.
- You don’t communicate with your spouse. A marriage without communication is a marriage in trouble. Not being able to communicate well leads to assumptions, misunderstandings and anger. You can’t find any happiness in that.
There is nothing wrong with having complaints or feeling like some joy is missing. The problem lies in simply complaining, and doing nothing productive about it. We all need to remember that we must think of a productive way to express our unhappiness, if the ultimate goal is to improve things. Unhappiness has a way of lingering and becoming a part of your being, if you don’t address the root of it. And once being unhappy becomes a part of who your are, it is so hard to find joy for yourself and within your marriage.