Suddenly… he looks at her and he no longer sees her as girlfriend or wife, but rather mother and companion. He realizes it’s now been six months and even though they sleep together every night in the same bed, they haven’t been intimate at all. Seemingly suddenly…went from playmates to roommates.
He is hoping she still desires him and admires him. What happened to the flirting? Why does she sleep with her back to me? Why doesn’t she touch me anymore? Why is she always too tired for me? Why does she avoid coming to bed until after I’m asleep? How come she’s passionate about everything but me? Her friends and the children get so much of her but I get none of her. I’m still providing for the family, I’m faithful and I’m very engaged with the family so I don’t get it. What did I do wrong? Maybe I need to hit the gym? I mean even when I attempt to be intimate she doesn’t seem interested. I guess I’ll just withdraw because I’m tired of having my feelings hurt and ego bruised. Maybe there’s someone else….
Just when you thought women were the only ones who battle with these thoughts… this is your PSA ladies that men do as well. The only difference is that a man expressing these kind of emotions or thoughts is viewed as weak or “soft.” The reality is that, just like when women don’t feel desired by their husbands, men probably feel it twice as much when not desired by their wives. For men, sex and intimacy is a very big way that we stay connected with our wives and express our love. So when it becomes something that’s unimportant to our wives, we can easily become disengaged. Suddenly months have gone by and she is wondering why he doesn’t desire her anymore and now we have this cycle of neglect, withdrawal, and disengagement.
As much as “life happens” married couples must remember that they are husband and wife first and foremost. When husbands and wives are connected, then the marriage is healthier and the family is healthier.
Here are 7 ways to avoid having a sexless marriage:
- Remain Conscious in the marriage and be intentional about intimacy
- Stop waiting until the “right time”…plan it and do it sometimes even when if don’t feel like it…(trust me you’ll get there!)
- Touch, kiss, and hug each other daily….when you’re out hold hands and practice some PDA (public displays of affection)
- Affirm your mate with your voice and your actions
- Find alternative places to be intimate….variety is the spice of life!
- Make sure your children see you be intimate…they need to see Mom and Dad loving each other and making it a priority (of course not actually having sex)
- Be open and honest when you feel yourself becoming distant….then nip it in the bud!
Stay connected to your mate physically, mentally, and emotionally! Don’t wait until it’s too late.
BMWK Fam – what are other ways married couples can remain connected?