Suddenly… he looks at her and he no longer sees her as girlfriend or wife, but rather mother and companion. He realizes it’s now been six months and even though they sleep together every night in the same bed, they haven’t been intimate at all. Seemingly suddenly…went from playmates to roommates.
He is hoping she still desires him and admires him. What happened to the flirting? Why does she sleep with her back to me? Why doesn’t she touch me anymore? Why is she always too tired for me? Why does she avoid coming to bed until after I’m asleep? How come she’s passionate about everything but me? Her friends and the children get so much of her but I get none of her. I’m still providing for the family, I’m faithful and I’m very engaged with the family so I don’t get it. What did I do wrong? Maybe I need to hit the gym? I mean even when I attempt to be intimate she doesn’t seem interested. I guess I’ll just withdraw because I’m tired of having my feelings hurt and ego bruised. Maybe there’s someone else….
Just when you thought women were the only ones who battle with these thoughts… this is your PSA ladies that men do as well. The only difference is that a man expressing these kind of emotions or thoughts is viewed as weak or “soft.” The reality is that, just like when women don’t feel desired by their husbands, men probably feel it twice as much when not desired by their wives. For men, sex and intimacy is a very big way that we stay connected with our wives and express our love. So when it becomes something that’s unimportant to our wives, we can easily become disengaged. Suddenly months have gone by and she is wondering why he doesn’t desire her anymore and now we have this cycle of neglect, withdrawal, and disengagement.
As much as “life happens” married couples must remember that they are husband and wife first and foremost. When husbands and wives are connected, then the marriage is healthier and the family is healthier.
Here are 7 ways to avoid having a sexless marriage:
- Remain Conscious in the marriage and be intentional about intimacy
- Stop waiting until the “right time”…plan it and do it sometimes even when if don’t feel like it…(trust me you’ll get there!)
- Touch, kiss, and hug each other daily….when you’re out hold hands and practice some PDA (public displays of affection)
- Affirm your mate with your voice and your actions
- Find alternative places to be intimate….variety is the spice of life!
- Make sure your children see you be intimate…they need to see Mom and Dad loving each other and making it a priority (of course not actually having sex)
- Be open and honest when you feel yourself becoming distant….then nip it in the bud!
Stay connected to your mate physically, mentally, and emotionally! Don’t wait until it’s too late.
BMWK Fam – what are other ways married couples can remain connected?
I could definitely appreciate this male point of view but as you know women connect from more than just sex so instead of accepting that that’s how men connect, men need to find ways to connect how women do, without sex and then they may just get more sex
everything you say in the articles true. it’s a shame that your wife spends more time getting ready for work getting ready for spending time with friends just getting ready to look gorgeous for everybody one to two hours but only 5 minutes getting ready for bed. It’s no wonder that when she’s out everybody wants to sleep with her she’s definitely looking her best but when she’s at home I wonder if they would want to sleep with her if they saw her in the sweatpants floppy mismatched socks and scarf. husbands really get this respect it when it comes to their wives sleeping clothing it’s definitely nothing they get anybody excited. I guess we really don’t matter as husband. I would love to hear some ladies ideas on how important it is to dress for your husband.
Well its bed time women have to wrap up the hair. Hey if you put a sexy gown on the bed and askher to iwear it to bed she will but timing is everything catch her as soon as she steps out the shower.
What if the kids are not your do you still miss in front of them
I concur, great article. I had to learn how to prioritize in my marriage and on my to do list is always my husband..kids are not a reason to not hv sex, they have to sleep at some point. Everything else that you find important your husband/wife should be one of them. We engage in some type of intimacy every night, we deserve it! Yes, sex is a major part of marriage especially to a man whether you believe it or not. I make it a point to love on my husband and yes we have children, we date, we make time for one another, if he’s happy he’s going to do everything in his power to make you happier! Happy hm, happy life..