“I don’t need a man. I’m fine with or without one!”
If I had a nickel for each time I’ve heard a single sister say this, I’d have another stream of income! I get that we’ve been taught by our mamas, grandmamas and auntie’s ‘nem that we don’t need a man.
They were trying to ensure our survival so that if we ended up abandoned, abused or mistreated, we could still make it in this world.
Here’s the thing: We can’t allow our pain to define us. You may have been hurt by a man, but don’t let the past affect your future happiness.
When you don’t need a man, it shows.
So if you want a relationship, you’re going to have to have a “come to Jesus” moment and flip the script.
Here are 3 reasons why you need a man in your life:
You need to know how to receive
As Black women, we are excellent at giving. And we know how to get what we need on our own.
But how many of us can freely receive help, love, and support from someone without feeling guilty or like we’re a burden to someone else? This is the limitation on being a Strong Black Woman.
Allowing yourself to need a man honors your humanity.
It acknowledges that you need to be loved, accepted and significant. And it says that you recognize just how valuable you are when you can receive what someone else is giving to you.
You need to be loved
Dr. John Gray said it this way: “Your biggest problem is your inability to satisfy your need for love and because of it, you end up creating all sorts of other problems.”
In other words, no matter how much you achieve in your life, it doesn’t outweigh your need for love! When we don’t have love, there’s an emptiness that we seek to fill through overachieving, overworking, overspending, or overeating, just to name a few.
You need to be loved. A man can love you by:
- Covering your weakness with his strengths.
- Providing a shoulder to lean on when you need to vent about your job.
- Supporting your dreams.
- Offering comfort when you get a scary diagnosis
- Holding you when you get the news of a loved one passing away.
- Celebrating with you when you hit your biggest achievement in your career!
Remember this, sisters. No one gets to the end of her life and says, “I wished I would have worked more.” Let yourself be loved. There is no downside.
You need to be happy
Look, girl. I know you can do it all by yourself. And that makes you proud.
But are you happy?
If you said, “yes,” then let me encourage you not to put a limit on your happiness. The right partner in your life can make you happier, healthier and even more successful.
For example, when I was interviewing for a job as a college professor, I had received two offers. One was for a position at my “dream” school. The other would allow me to stay in the city where my “dream man” lived.
When I was chatting with a Black woman professor who worked at the first university, I told her I was going to decline the offer, even though they were going to pay me more, because I wanted to get married and have a family. Her advice blew me away: “Girl, please. These men are something else. You’ll get married and then he’ll probably cheat on you. You need to do you!”
I knew from observing her life that I didn’t want what she had, so I wasn’t going to do what she did. I knew I could create a life where I’d be successful, no matter which job I took.
But I wanted to be happy as well. I took the other job and married my dream man!
Sisters, we’ve been taught to be strong, successful women, but we haven’t always been taught how to receive love so that we can also be happy.
When you adopt the “I don’t need a man” attitude, you actually build walls that keep men away. Furthermore, men need to feel needed, so if you’re already in a relationship, you could actually be making your man feel unloved.
It’s time to let yourself be loved, my sisters. Give yourself permission to need a man!
BMWK, do you think it’s possible to be a strong, independent woman and still need a man?