We hear a lot about "daddy issues" and how a father's presence (or lack thereof) can affect your future romantic relationships. But quiet as it's kept, the mother-daughter relationship can have as much or an even greater impact on who you choose to date and marry and how that relationship develops. Think about it: What did your mama teach you about men and marriage? Did … [Read more...]
You’re Married Not Dead! 3 Important Reasons to Maintain Your Own Identity in Marriage
Somewhere in society it has been taught that once you get married you cease to exist as a person. You are one body and that is it. I tend to disagree with this thought process. Yes, you are one unit. Husband and wife have become one. However, it does not mean that you cease to exist as individuals. Each of you has been given a unique purpose that compliments one another. … [Read more...]
3 Compelling Reasons Why “Needing A Man” Ain’t So Bad
"I don't need a man. I'm fine with or without one!" If I had a nickel for each time I've heard a single sister say this, I'd have another stream of income! I get that we've been taught by our mamas, grandmamas and auntie's 'nem that we don't need a man. They were trying to ensure our survival so that if we ended up abandoned, abused or mistreated, we could still make it … [Read more...]
Can Being “Too Independent” Leave a Woman Looking for Love?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, I am having a hard time bonding with men who are good to me and cater to me. I have been single for most of my adult life and I have been told that men find it difficult to relate to me because I come across as being too independent. As a single woman who has made my way in life, I do not rely on or expect men to do much for me. I own my car, pay my own … [Read more...]
Why Your Independent Attitude May Not Be So Sexy to Your Spouse
When I was growing up, I lived in a neighborhood where single moms ruled. The majority of my childhood friends and I had that in common. However, we didn’t miss a beat. It never seemed to matter to us that there weren’t very many two-parent households. I would say that image played a major role in the future relationships we would create. Some of us carried into our adult … [Read more...]
Men Can Be “Too Independent” Too
A while back I wrote an article on my site titled “Independent Woman Syndrome” and it got a lot of attention. It spoke on women needing to learn how to balance their independence once in a relationship. Many agreed, and some took offense. At the end of the day I stand by it. You can refuse to understand or receive the message as it was intended, but it does not change the … [Read more...]
10 Things That Happy Black Women Know
There is a "happy black woman" revolution happening! We are making decisions to get everything we want out of life: beautiful bodies, strong romantic relationships, healthy family connections, meaningful friendships, money, preferred careers, and grounded spirituality. We are doing it by being purposeful about how we think, what we believe, and how we act. Here are ten … [Read more...]
Don’t Get Married If . . .
A few weeks ago I was interviewed on British radio about the "independent woman" debate within the black community. It's not just in the United States where black women are professing their independence and self-sufficiency, but it's in black communities around the world. Near the end of the interview, I made a statement that I believe sums up the "independent woman" issue, and … [Read more...]
I’m An Independent Woman Who Stands Behind Her Man
I'm an educated, independent woman with earning potential of my own. As I wrote in a previous post, my father raised me to take care of my business and to be a strong woman. But, I also stated that just because I am a strong woman doesn't mean I don't need a man. Next to God, I need my husband. Part 1 of what I am calling the "New Independent Woman Series" challenged us … [Read more...]
Can A Single Woman Do Too Much Before Marriage?
As a woman, who graduated college in four years (despite being a parent), purchased her first home by age 23, and who was the first person in her immediate family to go to college, I can say I'm "driven". I've been that way since I was old enough to see my mom struggle with her independence after she divorced my dad. I had a yearning to make sure that I never had to rely on … [Read more...]
I’m an Independent Woman Who Needs Her Man
Roll call. . . All the independent women please stand up. That would've been me 15 years ago. My daddy made me into an independent woman. He taught me to get my education, to carry my own money, and to leave the "knuckle-headed boys" alone because they only wanted one thing. I attended a women's college where being a strong, black, independent woman was drilled into me. The … [Read more...]