Roll call. . . All the independent women please stand up.
That would’ve been me 15 years ago. My daddy made me into an independent woman. He taught me to get my education, to carry my own money, and to leave the “knuckle-headed boys” alone because they only wanted one thing. I attended a women’s college where being a strong, black, independent woman was drilled into me. The independent woman, as society tells us, has an education, career, bank account, car, and home. She can handle her own””without a man! That’s all good, if you never want to marry.
My husband and I are rearing our daughter to be an independent woman; however, we revised the definition. Here’s why. If a woman isn’t careful, the independent woman attitude can quickly dovetail into insecurity, arrogance, and bitterness. Pretty soon, she will find herself using phrases like, “I don’t need a man” or “I got this all by myself” as weapons. And then, once she does decide to marry, she’s so hell-bent on doing things her way she has a difficult time coming into partnership with her husband. Not to mention it’s difficult for a man to feel respected when a woman wears a figurative t-shirt that says: “I Don’t Need You.” If the shoe were on the other foot, I know women would feel disrespected, too.
Also Read – I’m An Independent Woman Who Stands Behind Her Man
As I matured, I recognized that what my dad taught me was good for a particular season in my life. It helped me stay focused in high school and got me through college and graduate school without any major hiccups. I love him for that. As the season of my life changed and I prepared for marriage, my definition of an independent woman had to change with it. Today, being an independent woman is not about being self-sufficient or not needing a man. It’s about being secure, being grounded, and being real.
An independent woman is a secure woman. She doesn’t think all men are out to take advantage of her, and as a result, she can open her heart to love. Because she is secure within herself, she doesn’t lose her identity in a relationship neither does her world come crashing down if a man decides to leave. Also, she’s not jealous of others and doesn’t feel the need to compete with anyone else for attention and definitely not for a man.
An independent woman is a woman grounded in her faith. She knows what she believes and lives a life of integrity. She doesn’t compromise to fit into the crowd or for convenience. She trusts that God has her back and she lives by the principles of her faith. When times get hard and life starts to beat up on her, she knows where to turn ““to God.
An independent woman is a real woman. She doesn’t pretend to be someone she isn’t nor does she wear masks to hide who she really is. She’s the same person in private as she is in public. More importantly, her happiness doesn’t depend on others; instead, she finds true joy in living a purposeful life. Furthermore, a real, independent woman lives in reality. And the reality about life is this: wives need their husbands and husbands need their wives. God even said it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so He created woman. That’s real.
I’m teaching my daughter about the independent woman, revised version ““the woman who not only is educated and financially stable but who also is secure, grounded, and real. She doesn’t have to walk around like “she doesn’t need a man,” when in fact, she desires a man who loves her and makes her feel like a woman. She can be a wife who has strong, independent qualities that compliment her marriage and still allow her husband to feel like a man. More importantly, she doesn’t have to be ashamed to say, “I NEED MY HUSBAND.”
I don’t know about you, but my husband is a necessary support to my weak areas. He’s a team player that rarely drops the ball, a best friend in good times and bad times, a protector who would lose his life to save mine and his child’s, a lover who is loyal to me and only me, a provider who helps me carry the weight, and a confidante who protects the treasures in my heart. Why in the world would I want to give all of that up just to be a so-called “independent woman”?
So, let’s try this again. Roll call. . . All the new independent women who aren’t ashamed to love and lean on a man please stand up.
BMWK family, this is my take on the independent woman. What’s yours?
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