There is a “happy black woman” revolution happening! We are making decisions to get everything we want out of life: beautiful bodies, strong romantic relationships, healthy family connections, meaningful friendships, money, preferred careers, and grounded spirituality. We are doing it by being purposeful about how we think, what we believe, and how we act.
Here are ten things that happy black women know:
1. Every woman should have her own money. A man IS NOT a financial plan, no matter how much you love each other.
2. What got you here won’t necessarily get you there. Some of the skills that we used to secure the positions that we currently have in our careers, such as technical skills, become less important as you continue on your career path. Since you have proven yourself to be competent and knowledgeable, it’s the “softer” skills such as empathy, sense of humor, collaboration, and the ability to share and connect your personal story that get you remembered and included in higher profile projects and selected high-leverage opportunities.
3. Happiness is a decision. My childhood was not crazy, but I definitely had struggles—like many of us. For a long time, I allowed my circumstances to determine how I felt about myself and draw conclusions about the type of life I was destined to live. I carried that heaviness for a long time but realized in my mid-twenties that I had the power to redefine how I viewed the world. With that power, I chose to view setbacks as either opportunities or temporary.
4. The “Strong Black Woman” does not exist. Being strong for the sake of being strong is for the birds. Anyone that wants to affix that label to me or any black woman can take that Superwoman cape, the tights, and the boots and get on with the get on. No black woman is made of brick and no black woman will always have it all together…for everyone…all of the time. More importantly, they should not have to. Each black woman is entitled, despite what the media perpetuates, to embrace all of her humanity with all of its fragilities, vulnerabilities, juiciness, and complexities. Period.
5. We all have a tribe: Some of us find our closest friends early on in life while others are late bloomers and are just getting to the groove of creating and sustaining meaningful friends. We all have a tribe. If you have not found yours yet, don’t stop looking because they are looking for you, too.
6. Courage is a muscle that can be developed. I think Maya Angelou said something to this effect recently. You can build courage by being courageous at small things first, like being the first to speak up at a meeting or being the first to introduce yourself to someone that you want to get to know. Once you are comfortable with being courageous at small things, you can be courageous at big things like quitting that damn 9-5 you hate, traveling alone, or relocating to a strange place to follow your passion.
7. Travel is powerful. Travel gives you some of the biggest life lessons about culture, nature, and history. Travel also introduces a woman to herself because she is forced to step out of her comfort zone, deal with being different, and learn to connect with people in a short period of time.
8. Life is to be lived on purpose. Life is way short and before you know it, you may be collecting a Social Security check (if the system is still in existence). In hindsight, most people regret the risks they did not take rather than the ones they did take. So, if you want to do that thing, whatever it is, take some action steps within the next 24 hours to get the ball rollin’.
9. It is empowering to ask for everything that you want 100% of the time. Some of us engage in such debilitating self-talk that we talk ourselves out of pursuing an interest, asking a question,or taking a risk because we have already convinced ourselves that we will fail or look stupid. This negative talk is irrational and has no grounding in reality. You cannot wait for someone to read your mind. You have to go out there and be proactive. While you may not get what you want all of the time, this practice of self-advocacy will become habit and increase your chances of getting most of what you want most of the time.
10. You have the right to change your mind at any time. We are forced to make decisions with the (limited) information that we have at any given time. If more information shows that you should reconsider, slow down, or hightail it in the opposite direction, do it without guilt or remorse.
BMWK Ladies: Are you a happy black woman? How do you know?
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you need to publish more on this issue, it might
not be a taboo subject but generally people don’t talk about such issues. To the next! Many thanks!!
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I love this article. I’ve been focusing on joy – specifically finding joy in God despite my circumstances. But after reading this article, I’m convinced happiness is possible too! I love your blog – I get the updates on facebook. I’m going to subscribe directly right now! God bless you and thank you for doing what you do. It gives singles like me hope while waiting for God’s best.
Hey Afi, your comment just made my day! I am so happy that I could provide you with some inspiration and hope. Welcome to the fam!!!
I love this! #4 is one of my favorites! My ex-husband used to always call me his super woman, in the beginning I took it as a compliment, then as the years went by I realized what he was saying. One day he said it again, I looked him dead in his eyes and I told him, “if I am your super woman , then that means I am doing too much and you’re not doing enough!” I stopped being his super woman. Needless to say,we divirced and I am now “Happily married to my teammate.
Chris, PREACH! From one happy black woman to another, I am proud of you! Your teammate is very lucky.
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Thank you so much! I have been blogging for 7 months. Welcome and please come back!
Thank you very much for writing this issue. I was thought that being a strong black woman was great but later found it is a major crisis
Hello Kara, I’m a single mother and tired of my 9 to 5 job, especially with the the direction of our company. I want to start my own business but I don’t. Know where to begin because of fear and also bad credit. What do you suggest? Please help
Thank you so much for being so courageous, Aminata. I hear a lot of hope and frustration in your message. You want change in a big way. I believe that big change comes through a series of small wins. I think you should start by building your financial self-confidence through getting your credit improved. Visit creditkarma.com for a free credit score and tips to follow. If you want to start a business, you need to have your own finances together. Brainstorm ways that you can start your business on a small scale while you perhaps look for a new position in an area that interests you. Your fear will be replaced with confidence as you take strong solid baby steps toward your goals.
Good luck!
Sweet, encouraging words from everybody! I love it. One of my happiest revelations has been how much I need others and how good it is to need. My husband and I have been friends for 20+ and married for 12 years and the day I got sma rt enough to know I need him was the day I began to build a life worth dreaming about. No superwoman. But I am a super woman. And happy. Sexy, too. ;). More power to us!
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