No one wants to find out that someone they are interested in is no longer into them. Breakups, falling out, etc. can hurt the heart. Unfortunately the emotional wounds can occur from the “getting to know you” stage all the way up to committed relationships. When a man stops calling you, you have several ways to respond. Some I’ve been through and perhaps you can relate:
“I just want to know what I did wrong.”
You may want closure from the breakup or ending of communication with this guy. You long to hear the “truth” about why you’re no longer together, so you can have some clarity or understand what went wrong. This was a response in insecurity. You take the rejection as a personal thing when the man could have left for reasons regarding his own issues.
From personal experience, knowing a man’s reason why he’s just not into you anymore is really none of your business unless God reveals it to you. A man’s reasons for leaving you alone, especially if he hasn’t proved himself to be a qualified candidate for marriage, should relieve you! He saved you the responsibility of doing what we all dread: initiating the breakup. Remember a man’s opinion or lack thereof cannot compare to what the Lord thinks about you.
Don’t chase after him or try to meet up to get answers unless prompted to do so in your spirit. Make peace with the decision and move forward. Some men just leave good women. Some good men leave women who think they’re good. But who God has for you will come, and that may depend on you loving yourself, being whole and prepared for His best. That may take time, but the response is to not beat yourself up, get depressed, get defensive and bitter, but give it all up to God.
“I don’t need him anyway; I can do bad by myself”
I can recall replaying the scenes and memories in my head over and over, trying to find some kind of way to justify why the guy was not as good of a guy as he said he was, that he’s missing out, and whatever else we say to ourselves to stroke our ego. We spend time with that one friend that instigates the situation and the moment becomes a temporary salve over that fresh heart wound.
In this case you’re responding with pride, not being humble enough to 1) Let go and let God handle your hurt and 2) See the mistakes you may have made and learn the lessons from that. Get over the fact that you were wrong about him and humble yourself before God. He will lift you up and get you back on the right path He made for you without a chip on your shoulder or resentment in your heart towards men.
“Now I’m depressed, I thought he was the one.”
Especially in an early dating relationship, your emotions are on a high because of this new person that seems to have it altogether. You feel yourself showing signs of falling in love and then out of nowhere he disappears. Now you’re crushed and feel like your plans and dreams are over, that no one wants you, that your happiness is gone. This is a response in idolatry, putting the attention of a man before your personal time with the Lord. You pray for a man and to test you God sends one your way and what happens? You put God on the back burner. You wait in anticipation for the good morning messages from the new guy when your Father waits for you to say good morning. You look over warning signs and red flags because you see the good in people, but the reality is you are ignoring the intuition God gave you to wait and search out a matter before moving forward with this man.
You may have ignored God’s tapping on your shoulder or whisper in your ear about the man because you wanted to make it work with him. Repent if you realize that you’ve put a man before God. No one can love you and support you the way that God does. He is jealous for you, and putting anyone before Him will not be peaceful in the long run. Godly relationships are centered on Christ, not the person you’re in a relationship with.
If you’re single and desire to be married, consider your response to God’s call. Have you stopped calling on Him? Have you ignored His calls? Do you just gloss over His good morning and goodnight texts (in the Word) while waiting for your phone to buzz from a man? Sometimes God will allow you to bump your head in these relationships that go wrong because at the end of the day He’s training you to be solely dependent on Him. Depending on a man for direction could steer you off your purpose’s path if they are not truly for you.
What is the best way to respond when a man stops calling?
“I will wait on and trust the Lord.”
This is the ideal response to make when the guy you’re with no longer wants to be with you. It may be an attack on your self esteem, worth, or joy. Now this statement sounds like a typical response that we’d see in books yet you find it difficult to have that mindset when the emotional hurt and mental confusion are so real you can barely function properly through the day.
Let me remind you sister that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13); that taking a step back and just standing on God’s promise that He will cover you, restore you, avenge you, and never leave you. Waiting and trusting God is a daily thing and you deciding to take a step forward every day to trust His will, timing and way for your life. This pleases Him and frees you from your past and the ways you may have responded poorly before.
There are many other ways to respond to when someone you were hoping to build a future with just cuts out on you. It’s hard to not take it personally, but if we take the time to look past those natural, beautiful emotions, we can see what God wants us to see: the bigger picture, the dodged bullet, or His hand at work in it all.
Hey BMWK ladies, have you responded before when a man just walked away from trying to pursue you or be in a relationship?