This post is part of Loving in the Grown Zone Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers across the globe. To learn more and to join us as we change the conversation about healthy love, CLICK HERE!

I receive a lot of emails each week from people who are sharing their relationship woes:

My girlfriend is disrespectful, what should I do?

How can I get my spouse to stop cheating on me?

I’m not happy with my boyfriend, he won’t communicate or commit to me?

They want to know what they can do to turn things around.  And a lot of times they want to know how they can get their partner to change…to see the light. And for the most part, I can’t offer a person advice from a one paragraph email (as I don’t have the full picture.)  But the one thing that I can offer advice on (because it’s evident from the questions in the emails) is Self-Love.  I always tell people that you can’t change your mate (if they are not ready to change.) But, you can start by focusing on yourself and learning what it means to love yourself better.

• When you exhibit self-love you take responsibility for your own happiness. It’s yours… you own it. And your partner can’t take it away…even with their disrespectful actions.
• When you exhibit self-love, you treat yourself with honor, esteem and respect. And you set a standard and an example for how you should be treated in relationships.
• When you exhibit self-love, you begin to set strict boundaries for what you will and will not accept in relationships.

There’s actually one more thing that I am going to be recommending to many of the people that reach out to me about relationship advice.  I’m going to ask them read the book Loving in the Grown: A No-Nonsense Guide to Making Healthy Decisions in the Quest for Loving, Romantic Relationships of Honor, Esteem, and Respect by Zara D. Green and Alfred A. Edmonds.  Hands-down, it is one of the best books I’ve read about how to have healthy relationships.  And of one principles that they teach in the book is that healthy relationships start with self-love. Zara and Alfred say:

“An uncompromising standard of self-love is critical to healthy relationships. Accepting responsibility for enforcing this standard is critical to your ability to not become fuquitable—vulnerable to deceit and manipulation. You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. Fail to honor, esteem, and respect yourself and others will follow your lead.”

Loving in the Grown Zone  is definitely the go-to-guide for healthy relationships as it will provide you with key principles for making better decisions (grown decisions) that will help you have the relationships that you truly desire. . If you truly want to make a change in your current relationship from one that is unhealthy to one that is full of honor and respect, then take some time to read this book by Alfred and Zara this week.

BMWK – Please help us to change the conversation about what healthy love is by doing following two things:  1. Purchase a copy of the Book Loving in the Grown and apply the principles to your own life, and 2. Spread the word about the book to your family and friends by sharing this post via email, Twitter, Facebook, and your other social media channels.  We literally want you to help us to spread the word about this book…help us to change the conversation about what healthy love is!

Zara D. Green and Alfred Edmond Jr. are co-principals of A2Z Personal Growth Enterprises, producer of The Grown Zone discussion series and related media properties. The couple leads sessions on personal growth, self-love and resiliency, healthy relationships and “Grown” decision-making via online and live events across the country. They know this book is changing the conversation about healthy love. You can grab your copy HERE.