One of the things I hear all too often in relationships is, “how can I change my spouse?”

I think it’s very important to remember what you can control and what you can’t control. You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. You’ve can’t change your spouse, thinking if he or she changes, that will improve your relationship.

But one thing we can control is how you grow and utilize your individual power in that relationship.  But before I lose you, let me share some examples.

Serving

No matter what the situation is in your relationship, regardless of the level of frustration, we still have to have a heart to serve our mates in our marriages. By “serving,” I mean doing everything in your power to cater to their needs, wants, emotions, welfare, inspirations, etc.

Sometimes, things won’t be perfect.  Financial situations will be stressful, children will be children and a multitude of things can be overwhelming.  My wife and I have dealt with some of these issues in our own marriage. I have made it a point to remember to serve.

When you serve your spouse, it reminds them you aren’t going anywhere.  It reminds them why you started this journey in the first place because you love and adore them.  Serving is powerful!

Listening

You might wonder how listening to someone else could give you power.  Listening is powerful because it shows how much you care about your spouse.  When you honestly hear someone else’s concerns, you can work together to come up with a resolution.

I have a client I have been working with who had a situation where she didn’t listen. We helped her to learn to listen, and simply by listening, her marriage is better. When we don’t listen, we don’t understand each other, and it’s much more difficult to resolve issues. When we don’t listen, we give away our power to communicate effectively in our marriage.

Prioritizing

One of the best ways to control what you can control in your marriage is to make you marriage a priority.  Put your spouse and the health of you marriage before your hobbies and even your career.

I know a couple who broke up numerous times (while they were dating).  The major reason behind their separations was because the guy didn’t make the woman a priority. He figured out that he wasn’t making their relationship a priority as well. Once he figured it out, he changed his perspective and got his woman back.  hey ultimately got married and have a healthy relationship because he decided to make her the priority in his life.

One of the main points of this article is that power is not about dominating or having a domineering personality. The power you have in your relationship is about how you apply your commitment to the well-being of your relationship. Your partner won’t always be right, or perfect, but you can help them know that you have their back anyway. The ways in which you show the depth of your commitment summarizes the power you have in your marriage.

BMWK, what other ways can you use your individual power to make your marriage better?