PSA: MEN ARE SENSITIVE! “Everything a man does in this world is to please a woman!” From childhood, little boys gravitate towards their mothers and seek to please them. Disappointing mom would hurt a boy to his core.
Well, the same things holds true in adulthood. As men, we seek to please our wives. And as masculine as we might be and as tough as we come off, our weak spots lie within our women. And because of that, you may be hurting your man’s feelings and don’t even realize it.
Here are 4 scenarios to consider:
[imagebrowser id=187]
It would be even better if he was as consistent in all of that as he is in asking for sex. Wouldn’t that be nice?
It would be nice if you payed more attention to what was written than finding fault again. You are the reason your man isn’t more consistent and you won’t even accept responsibility.
Thank you…as women we really could learn a lot and improve our relationships with men in general. If we just listened, absorbed and applied what works for us, rather than deflecting all the time.. .
You’re so self absorbed you missed the whole point of the article.
Great post and good reminders to us wives to appreciate our husbands. Confession: I am guilty of at least one of these.
Thanks for reading and well now at least you have another perspective and can be more conscious of your actions. Im glad it could help!
This here was right on time. I’m guilty of about 3 or 4. Smh. I notice now his response to my reaction was one of disappointment. And I feel terrible. Thank you so much. I want nothing more than to make my man feel like the king he is. Thanks once again.
Me too. I was starting to feel unattractive, but now I get it. Scandal will have to wait. 🙂
Thats what the DVR is for. (smile)
Really??? Like a man would EVER dvr a game (football, basketball, whatever) if their woman was seeking some affection. Not. going. to. happen.
If it’s not his favorite team and you provided him with a distraction, say speaking into the Mic for instance, I’m going bet he’s going to be surprised and not push you away. A little hanky panky at half time.
This article was so insightful and emotionally provoking…like a Song by Neo. I frowned during all of the scenarios. I can recall a relatable instance to each of the scenarios. Thank you for opening my senses towards my husband.
Thanks Shatealy for reading and I am glad it could help provoke some emotion and give you some insight. I hope your marriage will benefit!
The major takeway I get from this article is when your man does something that he thinks will put a smile on your face, even if it doesn’t go as well as you would like, don’t “poo poo” it because men are sensitive creatures (althought you might not think so) and downing what they did to try and make you happy might make him think twice about doing it again for fear of your reaction.
I’ve read most of the comments this far and I don’t care what example you insert, the idea is the same. If most examples related to things domestic in nature does that change the premise? And Alicia Byrdets think about the many, many household where the activities you described are indeed handled by the wonderful women that are great mothers and awesome spouses. I doubt very highly that they would agree with you about their “second class citizenship”.
I am married (to the author actually lol) but we so not have children. If we did, regardless of which one of us handled the bulk of the domestic duties as they relate to household or child rearing the thought that that role isn’t as important as the other is what truly undermines the person who is esteemed enough to hold that role.
I applaud you for standing by your husband on this article. I think the article speaks volumes and is very well written and articulated. Kudos to you both and I pray blessings on your union.
So much truth in your words, Troy! I loved this.
Cutting Him Off When He Speaks. We talk about how men are not open or don’t share what’s on their mind. When they do, women cut them off because what the man is saying may remind her of something or she wants to set the record straight. Instead, we need to hear them through all the way and ask questions that show we’re interested in what they have to say. My fiancé helped me to understand this and I’m currently working on this..,
Shavonne thats a good one that I think definately gets overlooked! Good insight.
This is an excellent point. I don’t bother casually conversing much with my wife because of this. In many instances, her “reply” to what I say will be completely unrelated. That tells me she wasn’t listening, but instead was letting me talk as she prepared her comment.
You should tell her this or resentment will grow into bitterness
I agree, Men’s brain are not as densely wired it is actually harder for information to travel to both sides. A woman’s brain is wired to shuttle information at a much faster rate. Women must wait for the man to speak or science has proven it breaks his train of thought & makes it more difficult for him to say what he was going to. Please look this up so that the truth of the The corpus callosum transfers information between both halves of the brain with a female brain’s greater ability to transfer information between its two sides.
Troy, great article. The interesting thing to me about this article is not so much the content, but what ppl are actually getting out of this article. From reading some of the comments, it appears some things are taken too literal or too personal. What I gather from the article is that men want to be appreciated and respected like women want to be. I have been in a situation where a lady straight up told me, I love chocolate covered strawberries (C.C.S), and when I took the initiative to buy some, without any ulterior motive other than to buy something she would enjoy, what do i get? Oh thank you, then she ate one, and gave the rest to me. Now mind you, I am not a fan of C.C.S si that was a slap in the face already. So I said, you told me you loved them, she responds, ehhh, they’re ok, and tried to dump the rest on me. How do you think that made me feel? It wasn’t that i wasnt paying attention to her or not being observant. I obviously was attentive and still walked away feeling unappreciated. It wasnt about the money, even though it cost me about 30 bucks, it was the principle. So we need to learn to not take our significant others for granted because everyone deserves to be appreciated, loved and respected.
Donnell I agree with you and thanks for sharing your thoughts and insight. Instead of us all understanding that a little appreciation goes a long way somehow this turned into an article about sexism and gender roles. Thanks for reading!
I agree with the tenets of this article, and from experience with the author’s other writings, I know he comes from a place of balance so I take no offense. The tit-for-tat tactic will never work, and many women, myself included sometimes, are very sensitive to that, as evidenced by some of the comments here. The bottom line is that good, no great, relationships result from both prtners being sensitive to each other and stepping out of themselves to do what the other appreciates, and each appreciating the intent even if the outcome isn’t exactly to our liking. Service to each other and to the relationship requires a commitment to learning each other, and we can’t do that when what we do first or most often, is find fault. God has given us brains to learn, to be and do better than primal instinct. Commit to each other; commit to keep listening and learning, and yes, commit to being open to trying new things sometimes! In the spirit of gratitude of the Thanksgiving holiday, and everyday, thank you again Mr Spry.
Finally thank you for your words. As a consistent reader you understand where I am coming from and the spirit in which I write. Thank you for your comments!
How about telling him he should have learned to stop sucking his thumb a long time ago (see first photo).
https://themelanoidblog.wordpress.com
Great article! Opened my eyes I’m guilty of probably all four of these things and didn’t even realize it. I guess I have to make a couple changes.
Lovinia it all starts with being open to understanding. Glad this article could help and thanks for reading! Share it is that it may help others as well!
So how do you express how you feel say if he took you to an awful restaurant so you won’t go there again?
Shai I think it’s all in the timing. If you show appreciation up front and just endure the night or date then you can always come back later and say that you didn’t necessarily care for the food. As long as it’s not in a complaining or unappreciative spirit or tone I don’t think it would be that big of a deal. Thanks for reading!
Yes she should be appreciative. Why does the woman always have to endure. Suck it up, swallow it for now. I have spoken to so many elders that have been married a long time and the women all say the same thing if you want to stay married you have to just suck it up and forget about it. he is never going to be complete so whatever he can do be thankful. Affairs, him forgetting dates, not being interested in the children,expecting you to carry most of the load. The answer is for the woman to make that change. Why is it the woman that has to change.The man is not expected to cover all the bases. Sister you’d better be a freak in the bed,Southern cook extraordinaire, super momma,hold down a job you hate and suck it up too!!!!!. You told him 4 times you were allergic to peanuts but suck it up and be thankful he got you something at all.How can he be expected to remember that! Never mind the fact that he never heard a word you said. That’s not the issue the issue is that he might be hurt if you were not accepting that he tried. No matter how many mistakes which prove he doesn’t care enough to listen. You need to be accepting of him in all his shortcomings and be appreciative as well. The issue is about him. He will leave and you’ll be another single Black momma with children and he will remarry an Asian or a white woman who will have no other expectations than he will want to F*((^ck.
You made some great points in your article. I just want to remind those sistas that thnk that the article is off base that if you do not appreciate your man someone else will. Much of the cheating that goes on in the relationships is due to people (both men and women) feeling unappreciated. I know its an issue for me sometimes but then I remind myself how great family life is and that acting on these slights in the short term may destroy my family in the long term. And of course, I fear the Lord above all so I try to remind myself that I probably do things that piss her off too.
Well said Djat! Thanks for the wise words!
Currently dealing with all of these right now and it’s lead to some really bad decisions and a pending divorce. Ladies, if your man pays the bills, does what he can to make sure you and the kids never want for anything, keeps a roof over your heads, lights on, food in the fridge…. Appreciate him!!! Eventually he will get to a point where he’ll start to think it’s pointless for him to even try to do nice things for you. He’ll become a shell of the person you fell in love with and admired in the beginning. The sad part is when he tries to explain to you what’s going on and you act as if you haven’t done any wrong. You refuse to acknowledge his feelings and see him as weak. Since when did wanting to please your mate and being appreciated become a sign of weakness? Listen to your significant other… Before it eventually turns into something worse like infidelity or divorce. Appreciate what you have because when it’s gone it could be gone forever.
Women must learn that men are not women. Today’s brain studies teach why. Lots of bearing on the male & female relationships & why he acts the way he does. Why lowering your expectations is a good thing.He is not built like you. He doesn’t see or smell or hear as well as you do. He is not you! You speak in six different languages while you are communicating. Women communicate while men use language.Communication is the process of sharing information between two or more persons. This can be verbally, through gestures or even body language. According to Borden, Harris, & Raphael, 1994 pg. 174 it is the transmission of thoughts or feelings from the mind of a speaker to the mind of the listener. Communication has three purposes: request, reject, or comment and is used to gather thoughts, express thoughts, receive and understand information.
Language, according to Bloom and Owens, is a socially shared code that uses a conventional system of arbitrary symbols ( alphabet ) to represent ideas about the world that are meaningful to those who know the same code. This is why simple is better. Other women do not have any of the expectations about men that Black women have. The expect them to be less & do not badger them about their inadequacies. It’s a man, I heard a white woman tell me what do you expect. She knows that she is going to have to baby him & coddle him I mean accept him where he is. You on the other hand have a whole hell of a lot of work to be done. I have been researching marital books for years and have yet to find one written by men which does not think the problem lies with women. First they need to do this & THEN the man will come around. I worked in the library for 15 years & this was my hobby. Look at Asian women they hold no expectations at all. Other than he is going to want to f*(^&*&*(. If you lower you expectations & be willing to meet him where he is you are much more likely to find he will be pleased with you.
This article sounds exactly like my life. Although I appreciate the things my husband does, most times it’s not time in a timely manner and I feel like I am constantly nagging. The other point is most times he acts like he doesn’t know me and the gifts he buys are so not me. Lastly, when I ask for help, it’s very rarely done correctly or thoroughly. I would love to learn how to bite my tongue, but it never works out that way. What’s a girl to do. I am so frustrated!
It sounds to me like you are just having trouble with effective communication skills. Email me at [email protected] and let’s talk about it.
I want you to know that as a newlywed, I really appreciate the articles that I have read. I never thought about the fact that by criticizing my husband (which I try not to be so quick to make a remark) I am hurting his ego. Men keep things inside while women let everything out (that’s why we are considered emotional). Anyway, keep coming with those articles, they are being read and digested, at least by me, and I am using them to make me a better wife and mother. Thank you
Also, I encourage couples to read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. The book gives great insight to how women and men function as well a tool that will help digest this article. The article is truth. Sadly, we aren’t taught how to deal with a specific gender.
I wish I had read this article last week. It would have made the last few days more pleasant. Well I’m wiser now and will handle things differently should I cross a similar road in the future. Thank you & God Bless!
Great article!Thank you for writing I have been married for 10 years and I have learned (the hard way) it is very important to appreciate the things that my husband does. Often times men don’t express themselves when they are hurt and we women are too stubborn to realize that you have to say “thank you” those two words go a very long way.
well i did enjoy ur article
I absolutely love this article. Ive been guilty of at least one. I realized the day I turned my nose up at my husband that it almost killed him. Now, I just let him surprise me HIS way. Im thankful for his unconditional love. And because I let him be himself, he also appreciates me more!
The article just repeats itself over and other. Its just like ” dont be mad at him because he tried even though he screwed everything up”. I am not going to appreciate wasted effort.
I can honestly say that i have done all of these and not understood his reactions although he has tried to explain it to me…Thanks for making it so clear to me…I got some road to make up on my end.
This article is right on point. It is amazing on how a lot of women want people to point out what men do wrong but not them. Women get a lot of things wrong and don’t want to take responsibility for screwing up. For the women that are like this, GET OVER IT! How you treat your man matters. No man wants to be or stay with someone that doesn’t appreciate them or their efforts. If you don’t treat him like the king he is, someone else will do what you won’t do.
You were unappreciated and if people are failing to understand the thesis of this piece, it might be because they are deeply entrenched in the habits that the author is warning against. I believe that if you find it too taxing to stop and notice that your man ( or even your little boy)tried to do something nice for you, and express honest, heartfelt appreciation for the effort,having been clued in to the fact that it means the world to him,then you don’t love him.
She might not have been worth your time.
Thank you for the article. I suspected that men are sensitive, but had no confirmation. This is vital information.
You either want him, or you don’t. You are not going to change him. He does the best that he can. You have to teach him, gently, how to do what you want done until he learns…and if there is nothing in it for him, he can’t do it correctly. You value him for who he is and he will do the best that he can for you. If that isn’t good enough, let him go.
Well I was guilty of the first one but not the others. I was the one who planned all the romantic outings and he complained about everything, he rejected me in the bedroom. I know sometimes women can be hard on their men and I know that I am hard to mines; however, I help our family down all by myself, he did not work and complained that I worked too much. Hello. Who else is going to pay the bills? Which is why I’m divorced and living by myself.
I agree with you men guys on this… And I’m a woman! A hit dog will yelp, perhaps It’s time to re-evaluate self before you end up a bitter single, lonely woman making everyone else miserable!
I hate feminists and I’m a woman! Sex means a lot to a man as well to the wife but men equate intimacy with sex. Mai is a feminist hagand I feel SAD for the poor slave married to her. Pleasing ur man is the best thing. That’s why chivalry is dead in america, you feminist pigs who fault a man for being a man
I LOVE this article…although I must say “OUCH” cause I can’t say “AMEN” – I’ve recently learned that my husband considers how every thing and decision he makes will omehow lead to my happiness. Historically he’d go above and beyond the call of duty to do the things listed in this article (along with MANY more) and I’d only comment on the negative. I’ve been praying that God teach me how to properly love him and have noticed his actions, not that he hasn’t always been doing them. It’s like a burden is lifted when I come home and say “babe you cleaned our room!?!?!?” Like he’s silently saying “yup, I did that” I don’t think its coddling or any of the negative comments listed here but simply appreciation for your effort. I know I’m like “yup I’m the woman” when he says to people, “naw she handles that, I’d screw it up” – the love, trust and appreciation in his tone is a total turn on.
For any marriage to work it requires three, a man can’t love his wife as she needs and a woman can’t respect her husband as she should unless Yah is leading and guiding them both by His Spirit. If we are not listening to the Father when He speaks chances are we are not listening to each other when we speak and in an arrangement like that someone is bound to get hurt. Where I fail as a wife is directly linked to where I also fail in my relationship with my Heavenly Abba (Father). Hence, the appropriate response to keep any relationship 100% is to Repent and put our trust in Yah. Only He is able to fix us and without Him women will continue to step on their husbands heart and vice versa. Because after all we are only human, and that being the case we can’t handle a supernatural situation with only human artillery, but with the correct armor on we can’t fail.
you should read Fascinating Womanhood, it would change your mind on your perception. If you do things in a way that makes him feel needed and appreciated, he will want to stay by you, not seek attention from other women.
Mine has plenty of times.
I totally agree, nothing wrong with showing your spouse any type of appreciation..it’s the little things that truly matter. If he does the unexpected or just do what is necessary, it’s quite sexy! So why wouldn’t I/you be thankful!?? If he’s happy, he’s going to do everything in his power to make you happier..
Have to agree. I think women are more prone to doing this, but it is a two-way street. If your woman gets you a team jersey, for example, there’s really no need to ramble on about stats or other players. “Thanks, babe” and a smooch works just fine.