With wedding season on the horizon, soon-to-be brides are reading tons of magazine articles with tips on surviving the big day. After having planned and completed my absolutely fabulous wedding day, I realized that there are a few tips that these magazine articles and websites never seem to mention.
1. Don’t assume people will do what they are expected/supposed to do.
We hired a very well known local deejay for our wedding. We paid well over what we could have paid for a lesser known deejay, but this guy is a Cleveland legend and we were willing to pay a little more since he has been around since we were kids. We were honored when he agreed to spin at our wedding for a slight discount on the price. The day of the wedding, he showed up in jean shorts and a polo shirt. Not only that, but he also brought along his wife to the reception, who we had no idea was going to be coming. Luckily, our outdoor ceremony was held at a location where the deejay was located at a level above where everyone was seated. The only person who saw him was me, as my entrance began at the top and descended to the bottom level where the ceremony took place. He happily agreed to change into something more conducive to the day for the reception.
Our deejay has spun at many a wedding and also for numerous celebrity events. We assumed he’d know the proper attire to wear for our wedding; apparently we were wrong. Don’t hesitate to spell out exactly what your expectations are. You are paying these folks, so don’t feel apprehensive about letting them know what you require up front.
2. Anticipate that you may lose some friends.
A harsh reality of becoming a bride is that you likely have single girlfriends who don’t foresee marriage in their immediate future. This makes some very jealous and unfortunately, your friendship may suffer for it. A month before my wedding, my former best friend of 14 years flat out told me she was jealous (yes, she actually said “I am jealous”) of my quote/unquote “perfect life” and told me I was going to have to find another maid of honor; she wanted to be happy for me, but she just couldn’t do it. My wedding planner told me to watch out for this, but I believed by friendships were strong enough to combat any green-eyed monsters. So when it actually happened, it was a harder hit than it would have been had I prepared for it.
If you are blessed enough to have all your friendships survive your wedding and subsequent marriage, fabulous! If not though, look at it as a blessing in disguise””God is removing unnecessary negativity from your space so your marriage can thrive, which is what is most important at this time. And you really don’t need any jealous friends around your marriage anyhow.
3. Pay for everything in cash, if you can.
I was not one of those lucky brides whose parents footed my wedding bills. In fact, I know very few who are. As a result, most of us have to pay for our weddings ourselves.
One thing I am so grateful for is that my husband and I paid for everything single thing in cash. We put nothing on credit. But I have friends who are still paying their wedding day expenses after six or seven years. I have another friend whose wedding bills survived longer than his marriage did.
Paying right out of pocket forces you to be realistic about what you can afford so you’re not paying on your wedding dress long after it doesn’t fit any longer. It also inadvertently brings about creativity ““ if your top choice for, say, invitations is out of your price range, you have to get creative and find a way to get what you want at a price you can afford. Perhaps that means going with a cheaper printer, or even creating and printing your own. Besides, the best parts of the day, in my opinion, are the unique touches that each couple creates for their special day. Spreading payments out in advance of the wedding for expensive details such as the reception and wedding dress will help, also.
4. Breathe and take it all in.
The day goes by super fast, especially the ceremony. We spent more time at the rehearsal than the actual ceremony itself. Thankfully, we have mementoes like photos and video to remind us of the glorious day, but nothing compares to the feeling of actually walking down the aisle to meet my husband and take our vows under the sanctity of the Lord. So be sure to take a few moments of your day and soak it all in because (hopefully) this will be your only opportunity to experience this joy live and in person.
Gwen Jimmere is an award-winning and nationally syndicated editor who authored the relationship manual for young women, If It Walks Like a Duck”...and Other Truths My Mother Taught Me. She blogs about relationships, dating, marriage and parenting at The Duck Walk and works in social media/digital marketing.
Good points Gwen! I am got married 6 months ago. The hardest part for me about getting married has been coming to the realization that some of my female friendships will never be the same as they were before I got married. I have tried to reach out several times to the check on them both during my engagement and after my wedding via email, text and phone and the responses I get back are just brief along the lines of I’ve been meaning to call but I’ve been busy, I’ve just been lazy and haven’t been calling anyone..stuff like that. It hurts. It really does. My married friends told me that it was going to happen. I just didn’t believe them.
The part about the friend thing is a good point, but I think it’s important to stress how annoying some brides can be and the fact that THEY and not jealousy, is actually what pushes their friends away. I was a bridesmaid several years ago in a friends wedding. She planned the wedding for an entire year, and for that entire year she talked non stop about her wedding, fiance and wedding plans, to the point where I would ignore the caller ID when I saw it was her. To say it was tiresome would be an understatement. Every time she decided to change her wedding colors, or her dress, or our dresses, or the menu, or the venue…..I had to hear about it! Just because you are planning a wedding does not mean that life stops for the rest of us, nor does it mean that the world now revolves around you! In the grand scheme of my life her wedding was not even close to being at the top of my list of things that mattered. During that year of her planning her wedding our friendship was extremly one-sided and she showed very little consideration of the things I had going on in my life. Brides need to be mindful of their friendships and not automatically assume that jealousy is the underlying cause of things changing. Truth be told you may be pushing your friends away by being annoying and self centered.
I will always be glad that me and my husband did our day small and saved on the headaches! 🙂
I can agree (in some part). I’ve recently been on both sides. However, I believe (as a bride to be) brides are so excited and at the same time, nervous so it comes out in conversation. We (brides) don’t know what to do with the energy we feel inside. So as a woman, when we worry, we talk, talk, talk, talk, talk…… The consideration should come from both sides, the bride and the bridesmaids. Bridesmaids are the closest (or should be somewhat close) friends to a bride. They are the ones she believes would share in her same excitement – during the whole coarse of planning. It’s unfortunate that many bridesmaids don’t share this excitement and/or don’t know what’s truly expected of them before they accept the responsibility of being (that particular bride’s) bridesmaid. If your friend was picky before she got engaged, chances are, during her wedding planning, being picky intensified. For me, a true bridesmaid is a friend (first) who understands me and all that I am. She’s there for my emotional (and mental) support until the day I say “I do”. AFTER THE WEDDING, true FRIENDSHIP allows for honesty and a bridesmaid should be able to say, “Girl, I’m glad your wedding is over. You were making me stressed with all those change of plans and colors.” Likewise, the bride should be able to tell the bridesmaid, “Girl, you were getting on my nerves wanting to be all different from the other bridesmaids. That was my day, not yours.”
In close, know your friend’s true heart and her fears. It may not be her intent to appear selfish. If it’s you that she’s talking/venting to, know that you must be the one she depends on for her sanity check or that she trusts you will give her the best sound advice. She’s talking, talking, talking, but what she really might be crying out for is HELP because she’s nervous about the biggest day of her life and she wants it perfect. The bride needs a true friend who can listen and help where she can without feeling like she (bridesmaid) has been dumped on/breath taken from her. If we all accept the fact that some women are just not strong enough to be a bridesmaid and understand that there’s nothing wrong with it, the drama friendships face during this time would be minimal. Nonetheless, we don’t think about the responsibility before we accept/issue the challenge. It would be thoughtful of you, as a friend, to opt out in the beginning if you find you’re just not a good fit. Whatever you do, don’t just drop out and leave the bride hanging to find someone to fill your place. Resentment is destined…
Great tips!! Here’s one of my own:
Meet Everyone You Hire
This is crucial. You must meet with every vendor. You must go to every venue. You must see absolutely everything in person for all the obvious reasons and for all the not-so-obvious ones. Must!
Obviously you want to choose vendors and venues that are within your budget, offer what you want and are available for your date. Not so obviously, what is the atmosphere of the hotel you are recommending to your guests? Do you feel comfortable with your photographer? How’s the service at the restaurant where you intend to have your rehearsal dinner? I repeat, you MUST SEE EVERYTHING in person.
I’ve heard horror stories. One was about a bride and groom who hired an inexpensive yet professional videographer through a national online company. They didn’t meet with him prior to the wedding, so there was no sense of who he was or what he’s done. Come the big day, he decided to simply not show up. Ah!!!
More wedding tips here! https://www.the-organizing-boutique.com/wedding-ideas.html
This is great… I so agree about paying for everything in cash! Everyone thought I was crazy. The day of our wedding, I was getting ready and had cash money laid out on the bed. A pile for every vendor that had a remaining balance. I refused to put anything on credit, and I’m so grateful that I did. We are now able to enjoy marriage wedding-debt-free, because we decided to actually look at how much money we had for the wedding and stuck to that amount. Too many people aren’t able to even enjoy the first year(s) of marriage because they’re trying to pay off the wedding. If you have to put it on credit, it’s not a necessity for your wedding!
You can’t make everyone happy, so don’t try. If something is important to you, don’t compromise. It’s not worth it to be miserable on your wedding day.
Good photography is worth paying for. It’s one day, but the memories will last forever. Almost nothing else from your wedding day will stand the test of time, but the pictures will, and a good photographer will capture the subtleties and energy of the day in a way that is priceless.
There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding. Or eloping. Don’t let people make you feel guilty about the wedding that you and your partner decide to have.
WOW! #2 so true, My own cousin who was already married made a similar statement. Unfortunately we still are not speaking three years later. Who would have thought a trusted family member or friend would be so flakey.
One more thing people need to make sure of is that the person doing the ceremony is eligible to perform ceremonies. Most states require a licensed clergy, priest, or rabbi. Some people have been duped by friends believing that they can do the marriage ceremony. Also, be sure to insist on premarital counseling, and the both of you show up! LOL
This is great advice for all of us brides-to be. #2 does seem to hit the nail on the head as I am experiencing this now and it breaks my heart. A best friend/MOH of 14 years is being less supportive and she is married (and I haven’t asked her to do anything except purchase her dress and be there on that day). But I do cherish the people who are being supportive and the new people who are coming around for this new season.
Unfortunately point two happened to me. I just recently got married in Nov 2011 and the five ‘friends’ that I had known for 25 years or more all of a sudden became so busy they could not be in my wedding. I was absolutely devasted however I moved on with my wedding plans and still.had a beautiful wedding in spite of that. I never thought that my closest friends would do that to me. But yes I believe God had a better plan and he ‘moved ‘ them out the way. I heard this could happen but I said not to me. Oh well it did. So I got a great husband and lost my friends .