The other night, former NFL player Deion Sanders had estranged wife Pilar arrested after she allegedly attacked him in front of their children. As Prime Time filed a police report he tweeted about the incident along with an accompanying pic of the couples’ two boys filing a police report against their mom for the attack.
The two have been very vocal via social media about every aspect of their tumultuous breakup, and they aren’t alone. Pilar and Deion are just the celebrity example of what happens on the small scale via social media every day. Social media provides a platform for jilted lovers to enact revenge by bashing them in the largest forum possible which can be a lot more appealing than doing the same thing over drinks at the bar.
But as momentarily warm and fuzzy as calling your baby’s daddy out of Facebook may feel, the internet is NOT the place to let those feelings out. Here are five reasons why you should stop bashing your ex on Facebook and Twitter:
Because you have kids. And your kids had no say in the circumstances that caused your relationship to fall apart. Stop using the excuse that my baby is only 5 months, or 5 years old and he/she doesn’t know. Because someday he’ll be 15. And even outside of the fact that the stuff you post online is there for eternity, if you’re in the habit of bashing the other parent of your children in public, you aren’t about to stop when the little ones are old enough to understand.
Because you used to love that that triflin’ &*%$. Yep. It might not feel like it right now, but it’s helpful to remember that you are where you are now because at some point in the past you were doing exactly what you wanted to do. No matter what the relationship turned into later, the choice to be in the relationship was yours. Tweeting about how he was a “one-minute man” only means that at some point, you really enjoyed the fun you had in that minute.
Because what you say in the heat of the moment will get you in trouble every time. Just because you’re super angry right now doesn’t mean you’re going to be as angry 5 days from now. That angry thing you thought or even said over the phone is a lot easier to apologize for than the post that’s hanging out on your timeline or the angry tweet that’s been re-tweeted 57 times.
Because you’re really only making yourself look bad. Your angry posts are a lot less likely to make your ex look like a loser than they are to make you look like a bitter man/woman who can’t move past the person they lost. Plus do you really want your friends, family, and prospective employers to see you as the immature person who has to put someone on blast online rather than deal with them face-to-face like an adult?
And finally”...
Because everybody does not need to know your business! Deciding to have a fight online is akin to starting an argument at home and then saying “Wait let me invite the neighbors over to see the rest of this. Better yet, let’s go to the food court at the mall to have this screaming match.” You wouldn’t (hopefully) do that, so why would you do it 10,000 times over by posting it to everyone that you know, and don’t know, online?
What do you think? Should bad-mouthing your ex online be off limits?
Read more Top Five Tips at Making Love in the Microwave!
excellent post Aja..and I totally agree…everybody does not need to know your business.
Thanks Ronnie!
Announcing your ex spouse committed domestic violence in front of your children is not bashing. It’s protecting yourself in the both the public and legal eyes. Not hitting back and allowing the law to fight for you was and is the right thing to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I think that he absolutely should have contacted the police and called it exactly what it was, domestic violence, in front of his children. But I absolutely think there are ways that getting the message through to the public and your children can be handled that don’t include taking a picture of your kids filling out a police report against their mother, which has to be a painful experience for them, and putting it on Twitter for the world to see.
Aja, thank you so much for this article! I know this may strike a nerve in some people; however, you are speaking the absolute truth. People need to stop and consider the potential personal and/or professional consequences of publically airing, discussing, or supporting “dirty laundry” or slandering someone’s name and character via social media networks. Thanks again for a great article!
Thanks so much for your feedback!
Imma need more people to let # 4 soak in…
They need to let them ALL soak in. But you’re so right about #4…..
I do not agree. You call bad behavior out. No wonder people are messed up today because you seem to like perpetuating bad things as if it’s all good. They say people are killed by folks they know everyday but does it make it right that perhaps some who have died at exes left them and do not love them anymore? That’s how unreasonable your logic sounds. Used to is the past. Facebook serves many purposes. Do you tell news channels not to broadcast bad events happening around the world or what happens in America because it may embarrass us as a country? And how can someone who is probably of questionable character TODAY- a rub off on someone who used to love them when they had their sanity? I’d hate for you to judge people by their relatives- that means some of everybody would be convicted. Sigh. If you don’t like what someone has to say because the truth hurts- then just keep it moving to the next post.
I don’t see where the writer is saying anyone is to allow themselves to be mistreated. This article is more than logical. It’s factual. The person clowning via social media does, in fact, look foolish. The main reason it looks foolish is this- people are who they are. Period. If he’s no good or she’s a whore,that’s who he/she was in the beginning. So, if you choose to enter that relationship, who’s the fool? “Call out bad behavior” through the legal system. Putting your personal issues on FB or Twitter not only “calls out” the subject, it calls attention to the questionable (at best) decision-making of the poster.
IMHO I don’t think its the thing of calling them out, its the continuing to do so long after its over and done with makes some people think “okay you might need help since you don’t seem to be moving on with your life and basing it on this.” However, on the other side, if this person has a history of being abusive, stealing stuff, or a “hitch and run” style person, doing it as a warning to others is not bad.
I really like this post and I agree with it…especially the truth that the WAY people present their business speaks more about them than the person they speak on. Fox News delivers differently than MSNBC. We all know how people feel about Fox. I totally agree with this article.
Thank you for posting this. In an era where people think it’s okay to public air personal business for the entire world to see, it is deplorable, embarrasing and highly inappropriate. When I think about this, it makes me think of Jesus and how he forgave us for our sins. We should thank God that he doesn’t expose us for all the sins that we have committed against him for all have fallen short of the glory of God. We should instead have forgiveness in our hearts and when someone has done something to hurt us, talk with them rather than expose them through an inappropriate manner. God forbid but something like this could cause a person to commit suicide because they feel they could no longer go on because of the “entire world” knowing about the mistakes that they have made in life. Just remember that if you are the person that thinks its okay to do this, you will sow what you reap and one day you may be that person who’s mistakes are exposed to the world.
Please tell me you are the Niambi who has a mom named Renae… and you used to come to PA when you were a kid for 1 or 2 weeks in the summer? If so find me at [email protected]
I absolutely agree with this article. We should all have our emergency contact list for our relationships -those near and dear who can listen to our hurt without judging our partner/ex. It is a sign of immaturity to post all the dirty laundry on FB or any other social media. I often wonder if that could be reasons for some troubled couples inability to reconcile. The things posted can be more damaging than whatever challenges exist in the relationship. Its not fun to read those things and if you know both parties personally it just makes it uncomfortable for everyone. It should stop. I have not seen the pics of the kids but if it is ttrue then how awful and a horrible decision for a parent to make!
Putting someone on blast online are obvious signs of insecurity and immaturity. It shows that you aren’t secure enough in yourself that you allow what someone else did to hurt you to lead into stooping down to their level instead of taking the mature route and not even feeding the flame. Yes, we all get hurt in relationships or even friendships but fighting fire w/fire never solves the problem. Be (wo)man enough to talk it out. If you cant talk to that person, talk to God.
The good Lord knows I struggle with this from only my last ex!