You love your wife. There is no question in your mind that you made the right choice. She is the love of your life.

But lately, things just haven’t been the same. She seems irritable and distant. You don’t think she’s cheating on you because nothing indicates anything that severe, plus you honestly don’t think she would ever do that. But still, you know something is off.

So how do you get to the bottom of what’s wrong? The truth is, you aren’t the first man to feel this way. There are men everywhere who don’t know what to do because the woman they love is pulling away.

We hear all the time that marriage is hard work, and it is. Joining your life with another person’s and doing everything you can to make that union stand the test of time isn’t an easy feat. It’s possible, though. People are happily married. Couples can make it work (and work well).

There are men everywhere who don’t know what to do because the woman they love is pulling away.

Part of making things work is being able to identify when things are not working. Ignoring a change in your partner is never a good idea. If you feel like the woman you love is pulling away from you, you have to determine what the root of the problem is so you can work together to make things better.

If you feel like your wife is pulling away and you want to get to the bottom of it, here are a few reasons why it might be happening.

She feels like you don’t appreciate her.

Nothing makes a woman shut down more than an ongoing lack of appreciation. You have to show your wife that you see all that she does and you appreciate her efforts.

When a woman is juggling multiple responsibilities around the home and barely gets a thank you, she doesn’t have much interest in being very close to you. Do you appreciate your wife and do you show her that you do?

She doesn’t feel heard.

Everyone wants to feel heard. Everyone wants to feel like his or her opinion matters.

• Are you operating in your marriage like your opinion matters more than hers?
• Are you shutting her out?
• Is communication an issue in your relationship?

These are all things to think about when you are trying to determine if you truly listen to and value what your wife has to say.

She hasn’t worked through the pain from an old hurt.

Maybe there is something from the past that your wife still hasn’t worked through. And it’s possible that it’s a hurt you experienced with her, but you worked through the pain more quickly than she did.

Think about what you’ve experienced with your wife in recent years and try to pinpoint when she began to pull away. The old pain may be lingering and until she is able to work through it and make peace, your relationship will continue to suffer.

She feels like your connection is fading.

Have you stopped romancing her? Are dates a thing of the past because you have kids and busy careers? Are you having trouble remembering the last time you enjoyed each other’s company? If any of this rings true, you may need to invest more time and energy into nurturing the connection you once had with your wife.

It has nothing to do with you.

It is very possible that your wife pulling away has nothing to do with you. She may be struggling with her career, relationships with friends and family members, her health, or maybe even depression.

Sometimes people pull away because they can’t find the words to share what they are going through and pulling away feels easier than opening up. Husbands, this is an option you should definitely consider.

BMWK husbands, what are your thoughts about why your wife might be pulling away?