We have a sixteen year old daughter and we make sure we install certain values within her. Some values are biblical and some are common sense things we want her to remember so she will be prepared as a woman. Listed are the top five things we tell her.
1. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. We want her to know that she is beautiful. We tell her that so she won’t fall in bed with the first guy that tells her the same. We believe high self-esteem is necessary for teen girls so they won’t go looking for affirmation from boys.
2. You can do all things through Christ that gives you strength. We tell her she can do anything she sets her mind to and to keep God first. We tell her not to allow anyone to dictate what she can and cannot do because she is female.
3. Know your worth. We tell her that she is special and worthy of respect. If she doesn’t respect herself, a guy won’t respect her. We tell her not to settle for any guy just to say she has one. If she starts settling for anything now, when she is grown she will end up with a man with no job, car, or goals who only wants to live off her.
4. Dress accordingly. We tell her if she dresses like she is for sale, she will attract guys/men who will want her for his entertainment purposes only. The guy will not want a relationship with someone whose body is constantly on display.
5. Have a good work ethic. She just started her first job so we tell her how to be a good employee so when she enters the workforce as an adult, she will know how to work. Therefore, she won’t have to depend on anyone to take care of her as an adult.
There are certainly more things we have discussed with our daughter. I tell her about intimacy with boys, sex, drugs, smoking and drinking. She has told me that she has shared her information with some of her friends when they ask for advice. She will make mistakes, but we want her to be armed with enough information to avoid as many mistakes as possible.
BMWK – What are some of the things you’ve told your teen?
On the surface this seems like reasonable advice. However, I’m especially concerned with #4 Dress Accordingly. This can easily be misconstrued that if she dresses a certain way, that this will decrease her chances of being the victim of rape/sexual assault. I know that’s not the intent but it can certainly come across that this is the reason for the dress code.
Another approach could be that you want to instill modesty in the young woman. A woman can still be attractive and yet not showing the world her body or dress provocative. Also, being taught the appropriateness of dress. It doesn’t even have to be about clothing. It could be makeup, hair, accessories, etc. I think that advice is good advice!
You have a beautiful daughter