Have you ever ended your day feeling so stressed out you are mentally, physically, and emotionally drained? I’ve been there. Too tired to talk to anyone, even my husband, and too irritated to wrap my brain around the day I just had. But have you ever reached a point where these days seem to happen with more frequency? Your once a month migraine is now happening four times a week and things are not looking good?

Stress can wreak havoc on the best of us. Even when you have the very best intentions, stress can send us traveling in a direction that places us, and even the ones we love, in a pretty crappy place. And although stress is a normal part of life, chronic stress is not normal or healthy. It can impact your health in a number of ways, and if left unmanaged, it can do damage in areas of your life you never would have expected.

Because your partner is the person closest to you, he or she is also the person who feels the impact of your stress more than anyone else. And next in line are your children. You see, when your stress level begins to consume you by impacting your mood and your health, your loved ones are unfortunately the people you get frustrated with the most. Sometimes it’s easier to hurt the ones we love because we know they will forgive us with more ease than others. That’s why people put up a great front at work, but come home with a massive attitude.

So how can stress damage your marriage? Here are a few ways, followed by tips on what you can do to turn things around.

Damage your confidence

When we are under a great deal of stress, it starts to do something to our confidence. Stress leaves us feeling drained and exhausted, unable to really give our best to our family and other things that matter most. When we are unable to give our best, we end feeling guilty as well as disappointed in ourselves, and that disappointment can lead to unhappiness and marital misunderstandings.

Affect your ability to communicate

Stressed out people rarely communicate effectively. When we are stressed out, we either shut down, or communicate with an undertone that says we are irritated and annoyed. Effective communication is at the heart of any healthy marriage, so when that element falls apart, the marriage can too.

Change in your expectations

Stress makes us feel overwhelmed and that overwhelm can drastically change what we want and expect from our spouse. Maybe our change in expectations is justifiable, but if we don’t communicated that to our partner, we can just live in a place of anger, wondering why the person we married is unable to meet our new needs and expectations during a challenging time in our lives.

Ruin your sex drive

Stressed out, overworked, exhausted, and worried does not make anyone eager to have sex. A healthy sex life is an important aspect of a happy marriage, so a stressed out spouse who loses interest in intimacy can really take a toll on a marriage.

Change in your mood or behavior

Unmanaged stress can lead to significant changes in mood or behavior. An occasional drinker can become a heavy drinker. An easygoing person can be impossible to talk to. A healthy eater can become an overeater. A peacemaker can be ready to pick a fight at every turn. And, chronic stress can ultimately lead to depression. All these changes in mood and behavior can change the dynamics of any relationship and they have to be addressed.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Is there a way to reverse the damage? I believe there is, and that’s by focusing on yourself and making stress management a priority. Have a conversation with your spouse to help them understand how you have been feeling, the impact it’s having on you, and what it’s doing to your marriage. Then explain that you need to get yourself back on track, which will then allow you to shift your focus to improving things in your marriage. Trying to improve your marriage without addressing the stress won’t help much. It’s a very temporary fix and it doesn’t get to the root of the problem.

11 Things you can do to help manage your stress are:

• Evaluate your life and your sources of stress
• Explore a career change
• Exercise more often
• Make healthier food choices
• Pamper yourself a bit
• Consider counseling or therapy
• Pray more
• Try meditation
• Seek medical attention
• Sleep more
• Say “no” more often

You may need to do a few of these things or all of them. It really just depends on the source of your stress and how deep the impact is. But for your sake, and the sake of the people who love you most, don’t let your stress go unmanaged. It will slowly take over your life and ruin your sense of well-being. You and your marriage deserve better than that.

BMWK, is stress ruining your marriage? What do you plan to do to change things?