Conflict arises in marriage. It’s natural to need an ear or a shoulder sometimes, but when we need our moments to vent or to get some helpful feedback, we need to be careful that those we’re allowing into our marriage aren’t doing more harm than good with their advice, or lack thereof.
Be sure that you’re talking about your marriage with the right people by making a list of your marriage supporters. Choose two to three trustworthy people that you can turn to when you need to confide in someone about your marriage. Think about who you put on the list; the obvious people aren’t always the best. For instance, you may love your best friend, but if he’s bitter over a breakup then you probably shouldn’t include him. Your mom may be wonderful, but if she can only ever take your side and not look at things objectively, she may not belong on the supporter list either.
Whether they are close friends or relatives, counselors, or marriage mentors from church, choose those you trust to a) keep whatever you must divulge about your marriage between you and b) support your marriage’s success fully and not just you as an individual. Just like you may have an “In Case of Emergency” contact list for your personal safety, these are your emergency contacts for your marriage safety. Make a special group for them in your phone, and pull up this list first when you need a marriage supporter.
Who is on your marriage emergency contact list?
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Esther McKitty-Griffin says
Love this article! My husband and I discussed this very early in our marriage. Our Pastors are a husband and wife team and we have chosen them as our emergency contact for our conflicts. They are trustworthy, never take sides and always have the best interests of both of us at heart. The fact that they have been married over 40 years is a big plus when they are giving us advice. We knew from early not to ‘expose’ each other to our friends or even certain family members who would not be able to see both sides of the situation or even ‘let go’ after the conflict was long resolved. After all you don’t want to have a bunch of people knowing personal things about your spouse and perhaps treating them differently because of some silly incident.
Lsarobi007 says
Love it will sit down and make mine
Msmonabiz says
DO NOT USE AN EX AS AN MARRIAGE EMERGENCY CONTACT. I should not have to explain why you shouldn’t.
ccb02 says
This makes a great deal of sense. Thanks for the advice.