Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.
My husband and I decided to do a little role reversal and it has been the best thing to happen to our marriage.
Now, before you start imagining us role-playing (me in the naughty school outfit and all), it’s not that type of role reversal. This isn’t Usher’s “Trading Places” video.
My husband has taken two weeks off work and he decided to keep the kids home with him to get some much-needed quality time with our daughter and son. Since I used all my paid-time off for maternity leave, I’m working pretty much every day during this holiday season.
With this set-up, he can see how I felt during my leave when I had both kids all day. He can see how much work it is to keep a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old happy and content, especially when both are competing for your attention.
On the flip side, I got to see what my husband was dealing with when, after working a full day at work, I arrived home to a house full of fussing kids and a worn-out spouse who expects you to pick up the slack so they can get a break.
I begun to see why he balked when I shoved the kids at him the second he walked in the door, before he even had a chance to take off his coat. And he got to see how badly I needed a break after dealing with two clingy kids all day.
While it may not be possible (or logical) for you all to switch places for a week or two, simply putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can do wonders for your relationship. Next time you get grumpy toward your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, ask yourself:
- Is he/she dealing with something else I might not have considered? A long day at work, a negative remark from a coworker, kids just won’t listen?
- If I were in his/her shoes, would I feel like listening to someone who’s shrill and demanding, or someone who is calm and rational? What’s the best way to approach this?
These past two weeks have taught us to respect the effort we each put into this relationship, the amount of work it takes on both ends to keep the Jefferson household running smoothly.
BMWK readers, have you ever tried a similar experiment? How did it go? Would you try this if given the chance? What do you think the resuLet us know in the comments.
WellRead says
I totally understand…while we do not have children, I can recall being stationed at a new military base. I was in graduate school and had yet to find a job and make new friends. I would fully expect my spouse to entertain me when he hit the door after work because I was lonely and bored. However, our roles were reversed when he left the service and had yet to start his new career. I was working full time, taking post-graduate courses and just plain tired, so I quickly developed an appreciation for his need to decompress for a few minutes, lol!
Harriet says
Tara,
My husband and I have traded places many times over the years, though not experimentally. We just found out what was best for us as a family.
At any rate, I think those role reversals really drew us closer in our relationship with one another. Neither of us feels unappreciated or misunderstood nearly as much as a result.
Great article (as usual)!
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
@Harriet – When my husband went out of town for 4 days I wanted to scream. I had to get both kids ready, take them to daycare (which he usually does), lug both kids inside, then drive 55 minutes to work, work all day, pick both kids up, lug both of them in the house, make dinner, feed the kids, play for a while and then put both to bed. Oh, I wouldn’t wish single motherhood on ANYONE! It was too hard without my partner 🙂
Tara
https://theyoungmommylife.com
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Our Journey Home: First disappointment
Mocha Dad says
This is a great experiment. I have suggested it to my wife and she has not agreed to do it yet. Maybe she will after reading this post.
Mocha Dads last blog post..Top 10 Mocha Dad Posts for 2008
TheDad says
This is a very good idea. I think the grass is always greener on the other side can be applied to this common marriage situation.
Arlice Nichole says
This experiment is a great idea. I’m game. I’m going to run it by my husband.
Dantresomi says
We did it.
1. I gained a new found respect for stay at home moms. Not to say i didn’t have one before.
2. I never did anything that was so draining yet so rewarding at the same time (not even capoeira wears me out like that)..
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Anna says
98% of our chores are not gender based. I don’t bbq nor cut the grass the rest is fair game. I would love to change jobs with my hubby for 1 day. I know his job is physical and brain thinking as mine is, but I work with the public where as he has hundreds of employees all day everyday. I work with/for a man that literally stands over my shoulder while I am working. Hubby wonders why I come home tired being I sit in a chair 8 hrs a day. LOL. I already know to appreciate his job, physical labor is hard work. I get cussed out in person and over the phone.(I am under paid). I come home tired becasue my job mentally drains me. I must love it because I get up and do it all over again the following day. My hubby would not last my whole 8 hr. shift. I would only last at his job for a whole shift because I am a female and ppl love to help a woman with heavy lifting. I know this because hubby tells me he helps out the females at his job. I don’t like to play weak but if it meant I could finish a days work at hubby’s job just to say I won the “tradaing places” I would play the weak woman card. LOL. I love a competitive relationship, it does keep you on your toes. My brother and his wife use to see who could make the most money in a year. his wife always beats him. Although it would be funny to see them change places.
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