1. How crazy the in-laws can be. For some reason, when you’re dating, you don’t concern yourself with your significant other’s family much. Sure they can be a little annoying at times, but that’s their problem, not yours. But once you get married, all of a sudden you realize that big Uncle Kevin (you know the one with the habit of hugging you a bit too long after he’s had a few drinks?)”....well, he’s your family too now.
2. Arguments are useless. Arguments are usually not about the problem at hand, but about one person trying to sway the other over to their side. It’s about who’s right and who’s wrong, which is never a productive way to solve a problem.
3. Regular sex keeps the marriage strong. Nuff said.
4. Kids change the dynamic, but for the better (hopefully). True, you can’t lounge in bed all day Saturday but you get to see a different side of your partner. When you were dating, you probably didn’t think that the same man who refused to buy you tampons would be the same guy standing by your head cheering you on as you push out your kid into the world.
5. Work is more important, but leave the stress at work. Once we were a legally binding unit, all of a sudden I felt more pressure to make more money. I needed to contribute to the “household” now versus just handling my own separate bills. But I couldn’t become a workaholic and bring loads of files home with me every night. I learned to be more productive during the workday so I could spend quality time with my sweetie at night.
6. It’s hard work keeping the fires hot. (See #3.) You have to be willing to lay down all the arguments (see #2) and stress of the workweek (see #5) to be able to just relax and unwind with your partner. If you can’t, then your marriage is in for a rough ride.
7. I had to relax my standards. No longer would I complain for three weeks that he wasn’t romantic enough because he didn’t spend his evenings writing me original poetry. Instead I began to see the romance in every day gestures, like when he would put the groceries up without me asking, or when he would sneak in a quick back rub when passing me in the kitchen.
8. Regular.sex. Okay?
King James says
So yeah.. this is good stuff.
I like the stressing on the other’s well-being.
I wonder what people think about your #2…
This made me smile. Thanks for sharing
elle denise says
Makes sense to me!
elle denises last blog post..Spring Break Shopping Party @ FRESH Boutique!
MissJay says
I like this one! I get those quick 2 minute shoulder massages while sitting at the computer, LOVE those things! 🙂
Harriet says
#3 and #8…ooo to the weee. LOL
I’d add #9: The war is on…learn how to compete to see who can out-give and out-love the other. You both win like that!
#10: Don’t make the baby sleeping with you a habit (just to make #3 and #8 a little easier. LOL)
Michael says
King James said:
My thoughts are amen to that! That’s been a challenging one for me.
Harriet said:
That’s beautiful, Harriet.
Political Pete says
I’m still learning . . . thanks for the knowledge before I get married…. 🙂
Political Petes last blog post..Naturally 7: One of the Most Talented Groups Ever
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
@King James – Glad I made you smile!
@MissJay – I like those two-minute massages too. But somehow one of those massages ended up in Baby #2 so I try to steer clear of them now! lol
@Harriet – I recently adopted that attitude with my hubby. I told him that I was going to give my all to him and this marriage and love him more than he could ever imagine. Giving him hugs everyday, calling/texting to see how his day is going, cooking him dinner, giving a quick backrub, packing his lunch, etc. It’s been working great and I’ve gotten so much love in return. Very fab, I think.
@Political Pete – When you do get married, I want you to post your own list about two years into it. It’s always good to see what you didn’t know going into it!
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Day #4 – Making Cents for You – The dollar store is your friend
Smart Mouth says
#9 Is for the men. You have two choices in a marriage you can be right or you can be happy. You decide which is more important because if she is not happy there will be no #3/#8.
Harriet says
@ Smart Mouth
That reminds me of an old “Different World” episode where Mr. Gaines was telling someone who asked him how he keeps his wife happy that, “She has the first word, I always let her have the last word, and she has most of the words in between, too!”
ROFL
GG says
I agree that arguing is about trying to convince the other person that you’re right and they’re wrong. Even though my my future bride and I still argue, we are learning how to acknowledge when each of us has a point. Oh, and I usually lose the argument 🙂
GGs last blog post..The Boboli incident
Anna says
GG said:
I agree that arguing is about trying to convince the other person that youre right and theyre wrong. Even though my my future bride and I still argue, we are learning how to acknowledge when each of us has a point. Oh, and I usually lose the argument
~~~~~~~
In all fairness you are a man and I give you credit for realizing it is ok to lose an argument. Everyone wants to get their point addressed. hubby and I call arguing “debating” or did I argue the use of the word ‘debate’? LOL.
E. Payne says
All I can say as a married dude is…Amen to this list.
E. Paynes last blog post..Getting Unstuck From GO
Smart Mouth says
@ GG
I have been married for 12 years and I love my wife dearly. I did not let my pride get in the way because after “I do” I have not won an argument since.(see #3/#8) Have fun and enjoy your spouse because when the day is over the arguments are usually silly.
VEe! says
^Smart Mouth,
I’ve heard that often and I understand the underlying wisdom but I still think its a cop out. With #2 it is all about effective communication. I try to be honest with myself and see her side of it but I’m not about to completely deny who I am, what I feel or am thinking simply “to be happy” as opposed to being right. I’ll just agree to disagree while we both hear out each other’s views. Don’t allow the power dynamics of #3 and #8 to dictate your happiness.
You really lose in so many ways and develop a negative pattern that is ultimately unhealthy to the way you communicate with your spouse and possibly your identity.
. . . don’t get me wrong, I’ll pick and choose my battles. Who knows, when I hit the 12 year mark (congrats) then maybe I’ll sing a different tune. I know the path of least resistance is always a good look.
VEe!s last blog post..The Predator