Love and respect are two key ingredients for a successful marriage. While Lamar and I were travelling back to MD from the ATL I listened to a lot of talk radio. This drove Lamar crazy. But hey it’s the driver’s choice. And when you drive, then you are in charge of the radio. For me, I was a little worn out by the ATL radio and just needed a break from the music.
Anyway on one program that I listened to, the topic was love and respect in marriage. They were basically stating that men are looking for respect from their wives and women are looking for love from their husbands.I did not hear the entire program, but the parts I heard made me think.
At one point, the guest, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, said if you want your husband to become the man you want him to be, then you have to show him respect. You really can’t expect positive results when you are being disrespectful to your partner. He said a man needs to be respected regardless of his performance. As he was stating that, I could imagine that many women were out there stating: “You don’t know my husband….that !@#$% does not deserve any respect.” Likewise,men need to love their wives (because love is a woman’s greatest need.) Often times when a woman is lashing out and being disrespectful, it’s because she is seeking love from her spouse. In such a situation, a man should recognize that he has a good wife and should step up to be a better man and love his wife through that situation as opposed to doing what a lot of men do ..which is to distance themselves from the situation (which is exactly opposite to what the woman really wants.)
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (author of the book Love and Respect) says:
“Well, Ephesians 5:33 commands husbands to love their wives, so I assume from that there must be something within the nature of a woman that needs to feel love for who she is, and because women are commanded to respect, there must be something within the heart of the man that needs that. And, as we’ve said, that when a woman feels unloved, unfortunately, she reacts in ways that feel disrespectful. When a husband feels disrespected, he reacts in ways that are unloving.”
During the program they said men and women get caught in this crazy cycle where the woman is disrespecting the man and the man is not providing enough love. How many couples have you seen in such a cyle? Just caught up in the craziness. Not able to step out of the situation and rise above it. To do this they have to recognize that they have a good partner that has good intentions…which is why they married this person in the first place….right??? This sounds like it is very hard to do because it is not natural to be loving towards a person that is being disrespectful to you.
So overall, I agree with this. But my situation may be different from another person’s situation as Lamar is already a loving husband.
BMWK Family – What do you think about respecting your husband especially when you feel like doing just the opposite. What do you think about loving your wife through a situation when she is being disrespectful?
Disrespectful women don’t get no love.
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The other partner should continue what they know to be right regardeless of their partner’s behavior. When my husband gets short and quick tempered with me I know there is something else going on but he does not feel comfortable talking about with me yet. So I keep doing what I know is right for our marriage and when he was worked out in his head a solution or is ready to seek advice we talk about it and move on. It’s hard as hell at times to bit your tongue but it really does help to talk about rough situations when you are in clam.
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If you don’t respect each other it doesn’t matter how much in love you are a marriage will never last.
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Brad Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 4:34 pm
If you dont respect each other it doesnt matter how much in love you are a marriage will never last.
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This is so true. I have mentioned my first year of marriage had it’s ups and downs. I celebrated 10 yrs. of marriage in June (or so I thought). Thursday at a bbq with my side of the family and the kids my hubby asked me (I am in one room he is in another) how long have we been married. We both said “I don’t know”. We finally figured out it is 11 yrs. not 10. I think we both unconscienceously(sp) forgot about our first year. He had never been married before nor does he have any kids. He got an instant family when we married and I got use to doing things my way and being a mom to my kids. My childrens father is still alvie and apart of their lives My husband when referring to my kids will say while talking with someone “my son or my daughter”. They don’t call him dad but either by his first name or “pops”.
You do have to have respect in a marriage. I don’t appreciate woman who get married with kids and don’t look at the big picture. “Do my kids respect my husband. Does my husband appreciate my kids”. If they don’t get along the marriage is also doomed.
If a kid or the kids don’t get along with the new man in the house, usually it is something simple that can be worked out with counseling. My husband would get mad when my son would leave a empty cup on the coffee table instead of putting it in the sink. As a parent I have to pick and choose my battles. It did bother my husband and they went to counseling for a month. They got to bond. All is good.
Marriage only gets better if you are willing to work at /for it.
just be careful with how you treat one another. Most kids these days come from a one parent family.It is sad because they have nothing to take to the marriage. I say respect each other even if you have to wait for them to go to bed and then hash it out. When you are two parents working together pick your battles show love and respect to each other. Kids need to know mommy and daddy have problems but they can work it out without calling names.
Having been married twenty years and counting I experienced all of the above. What I’ve come to understand, that marriage as if life, is cyclical. When you understand change is constand and understanding is committment, it can all be worked out. I have a king and I compliment him on being a great dad, role model, loving husband and community activist all the time. We have our up and downs but I got a good man and KNOW IT!
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@ Pigskinlovinglady – Well said