Our son is 16 years old now. He has his first summer job at local amusement park. And although he is not driving, he has several cousins and friends that are. This new reality just snuck up on me before I knew it. The other day, he did not come home from work until almost midnight. He got off of work around 9 PM and waited around for his cousin (my nephew) to get off of work so that they could ride home together. They decided to stay in the park and enjoy the rides before coming home. He did not call home to communicate his change in plans. In addition to that, I did not have the curfew conversation with him yet.
So the next day, I laid down the rules. I told him that it was unacceptable that he did communicate his the change in his plans. I also told him that he had a curfew. This sent him over the edge. “Why do I have a curfew.? None of my friends or cousins have a curfew.” I told him that I did not care about those other kids not having curfews. You are my child and you have to follow my rules. I do not think it is appropriate for teens to be hanging out in the streets at all hours of the night. I also told him that I needed to know where he was going and that I expected him to communicate his plans with me.
My sister and I always had a curfew, even when our friends did not. I can remember my sister and I booking it home from Black Mac trying to make it home before our curfew. (For those of you that don’t know… Black Mac was a Mc Donalds in Hampton, Va that was not too far from Hampton University.) All of the kids hung out at Black Mac after the parties and concerts were over.) I don’t ever remember our older brother having a curfew. But my father told me yesterday that he had one too.
BMWK Family – What do you think about curfews? Are they a thing of the past? Do you think your sons and daughters should be given the same curfews? Sometimes my sister and I were speeding home trying to make it there before our curfew. That was dangerous. Do you think our parents should have trusted us to come home at a reasonable time?
I have a 18 year old, He has had a curfew since he was 10. Although he is now an adult, he knows that walking in our home all hours of the night is an “No-No” Yes! he did break it (many times). But to his credit he calls in, lets me know when he has a change in his plans.
I am doing the same thing for my 10 year old daughter. This was her first summer with one. She was home by six. She has one more week (school starts next week)
I guess my point is start them early.
You are right Lynn..Now that I think about it, he has always had times to come home. And he has never liked having to come home before his friends. But I don’t think kids should be hanging around the neighborhood streets after dark. But I have never used the words curfew with him.
Our 7 year old daughter is going through this now. It’s summer time and a lot of the kids are hanging in the cul de sac later and later each day. But she is expected to come at specific time.
Children need parameters. They are not mature enough to set boundaries for themselves. IF that were the case then they wouldn’t need parents. We know that dangers that await young people no matter how responsible they may be.
And yes girls and boys should have the same curfew (at the same age). There are just as many dangers for boys as there are for boys out late. We have to keep our kids from being victims AND perpetrators.
This is great advice. My son is only 3, but my stepson–who will be moving in with us in the near future–will be 12 this year. He’s a really good kid, but boundaries are necessary for ANY child (and any adult, for that matter).
When I was growing up, we didn’t have cell phones, so unless I went to someone’s house to call (and going inside others’ houses was off limits according to my parents) I needed to be home on time.
I think this is why having extracurricular activities are so important. By the time I finished volleyball, basketball and track practice throughout the school year was over, I was too tired to do anything else after practice and homework. LOL
Oppsies! I meant just as many danger for boys as there are for girls out late.
Start them early with curfews…I agree with kids having curfews while they’re outside playing…the later you start the harder it is…but, better late than never.
I love that my state had a curfew before my kids became teens. Although at first our city did not just pick kids up if they were out after a certain time (unless during the day) when they should have been in school. My kids did know the curfew for their “age”. I don’t remember what the curfew hrs were back then but I wanted my kids to come in one hour earlier than our state curfew ordinance. I remember one of my kids telling a police officer that “my mom makes me come in an hour early”. The officer said” it’s your mom’s house and her rules. If you know what your home curfew is your mom can call 911 and say you are a “unruly child”. In my city a police officer will tell any parent that we have the right to disapline our kids and if we don’t do it they will. LOL. @ Ronnie. Teens under 18 with a temp license can’t be the driver with anyone under 21 without a valid drivers license.(In my state)I have taught many kids how to drive and because they changed the law and wanted parents or guardians with the kid under 18, many kids had to wait until they turned 18 to get a drivers license, because they also had to take a driving class that cost over $400(but I did still teach them how to drive). (The one person I could not teach how to drive was hubby). He already knew how to drive but I was teaching my oldest many yrs ago and it did not take long(for her) Forgot to mention it was a 5 speed. Hubby never did grasp it and that was back in the day when I, we hadn’t learnd patience with each other. That car is long gone but it sure did just bring back some memories and ” the arguments”. These days we debate and agree to disagree. I forgot to add for anyone with a teen. A teen under 18 who passes the test and gets a license can’t have a car full of teens/kids unless they are 18. Too many teens get easily distracted with cd players, cell phones and just other teens in the car.( once again, check your state laws). I am a informaiton high way. Sorry for yet another long post. Parents with teens with good grades can get a good student discount and also kids who take what is called “teen smart”. It’s a CD that is orded that can be taken online and the kids can do it in a few hours also get the “teen smart discount once they get a license and put on mom and dads insurance policy. (the teen smart cd does cost) but will pay for it’s self in the first 6 months. I think that I may be the oldest person in the room to comment, who also has older kids, that I put on blast or love to boast about. I did not rant to much being this is another “been there, done that club I am/was in. Kids with good grades get rewared with lower car ins. premiums that mom and dad usually pay anyway. Back on topic: Kids need curfews. It only means we love them and we are not going to let them think that as long as they live with us we are not suppose to worry about them. It’s called “respect” on both parts. I don’t really think that it’s about us wanting to control, but about us knowing we can “trust them”. We all know that you have to give respect to get trust. Kids are no differnt than the love and respect we deserve from a spouse. If you want it don’t abuse it. If you think you deserve it, than show it.
Children (and adults) who live in my home need parameters. My son, who is 11, has a curfew and will continue to have one as long as he lives under my roof. My husband and I both also have an understanding that if we aren’t home from ‘wherever’ by 9pm we are calling to communicate our plans.
My son will be 18 in Sept and he’s been working since 16. On the weekends he typically gets off after 9pm and since he does not drive (he’s not allowed to until he has a little more experience behind the wheel, not to mention insurance money). None the less, he will usually get in after 10pm, sometimes later and he’s also pulled that same stunt with waiting on a ride or missing the bus etc. But since i’m old school I do not think curfews are a thing of the past, the present is totally different than when i was younger, people are slam crazy and you and your child are basically on your own to protect yourself. I agree with Lynn’s comment of kids not being able to run up in my house all times of the day and night, its disrespectful – at the least I should be able to get a phone call out of nothing else but pure courteousy. If he’s going to function that’s different (but sometimes peer pressure plays a roll, especially with boys, so it may take them a minute for them to get the real picture) When my son first pulled that stunt, i didn’t know what to do, i didn’t want to say “go back where you came from” but he had to know i wasn’t playing with him…the end result was me locking him out on the back patio because it was safe, but he was scared and shaking like a leaf becase the “creatures” come out a night, i.e. possums and racoons (he was banging on the door like the police were chasing him) so that worked for me and you’ll find what works for you. We didn’t officially have the curfew talk because he is going to be 18 and he’s not a bad kid, but because of my upbringing he knows to get in my house no more than an hour after the street lights come on and if there is no phone call – and i mean one that makes sense, or he will be sleeping on the back patio with the creatures. Most kids know right from wrong, but as parents we just have to re-enforce the boundaries. Good luck
You have to have curfews to protect your children. This isn’t an issue of class or where you live. We all had friends or hung around someone whose behavior to be charitable was dnagerous. Given the police are now permitting the police to fire at fleeing cars, w/ teenagers it is even more important; https://www.suntimes.com/news/sneed/1690188,CST-NWS-SNEED29.article.
You still have to explain why. You have to admit you were tempted by the same things they are that have really bad conequences if they go wrong like covering for your friends etc.
My 13 year old has always had a curfew and a limit on the distance he can travel from the house.
The curfew is usually something along the lines of “You may go out but be back here in one hour (or two or a specific time)”. Followed by me or Hubby saying, “Now if we have to come looking for you there’ll be not “play time” tomorrow.”
Distance from home–Sight and sound distance–I’m a country girl and have no problem standing on the front porch yelling your name for you come home. (Now my 5 year old does it and his voice is SHRILLL!)
As he’s gotten older the distance he can travel in the neighborhood has gotten larger, but not by much.
I still remember what my high school teacher told me more than 25 years ago. “What is it you got to do at midnight that you can’t do at 10 o’clock.”
Curfews are here to stay in my family.
Great topic by the way and great to read what others think of the topic.
This is a great topic. At 18, & joined the military and was fortunate to be selected as a White House Honor Guard. We had strict curfews and as a result of individuals violating them, many got themselves into trouble with one individual losing his life in downtown DC. I moved to Southern Ga., three years ago, whereupon I attempted to date 3-4 African American females over the first 2 years. All of the relationships never lastes more than 2 month due to dissagreements over my refusal o engage in premarital sex (African American of Jewish faith), but most of all the way they were rearing their kids. The predominate issue was no set curfews, as I was constantly told that this is “the country”, theyr’e at relatives. Of the 11 African American females I met over my 3 years here, 9 of them have daughters 13 o 16 of whom are currently pregnant of have given birth over the past year. I honestly feel that the 60% African American teen pregnacy rate in South Ga. is largely due to kids not having curfews, not due to the high poverty rate as many of the parents would have you believe.
Yes, it’s definitely important for kids to have curfews – but it’s also important to explain why they have curfews. Of course they will protest – but with some good encouragement, good communication, and incentives they will definitely appreciate that much more. Plus you won’t come out like a Dictator in their eyes. 🙂
i understand a curfew is there to protect our kids. however, my 18 year old daughter is a good girl, she does not disobey. but now she is old enough to make her own decisions. she has finished high school with great grades and now she will be statring college in a week. She wants more freedom, if not she is going to move out eventually. I don’t want to lose my baby, but i dont know what to do? Should i give her a later curfew? or keep her home all night? Help me? her curfew is 10:30pm with the car, and 11:00 pm without the car..is that right? is it fair? need advice please?