Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I am saved and single. I’ve been back in church about a year and I feel ready for a relationship. Several guys from my church have approached me but they are thirsty and have approached every other woman in the church as well. I’m ready, but no prospect or quality godly man is showing any interest.

I’ve prayed and waited, for what seems like a long time. Is it just not in God’s timing for me or am I trying to appeal to my flesh. I’m tired of being made to feel like there is something wrong with me because I’m single. I’m not sexually active and I don’t plan to until marriage. There is a guy I think is great but he doesn’t know me. My purpose for marriage is for ministry and to fulfill the call on my life with my husband as well as the camaraderie between a man and woman. I want to be loved by someone. What Should A Saved and Single Woman Do While Waiting On Love?

Dear Saved and Single,

First, I would like to praise you for saving yourself and being selective. When the flesh talks, continue to focus on God. I practiced abstinence for five years and learned a great deal about women and love. As you wait on love, I would recommend the following:

Wanting to be loved is normal; however acting impatiently or desperately is abnormal.

1) Continue to be patient and do not stop focusing on God. God may not always give you what you want when you want it, but He will always supply you with what you need. Sometimes He allows you to yearn for things outside of your immediate reach in order to teach you patience. If you learn to wait on God, things will work out. Doing things your way will often end in disaster. Immediate gratification usually comes with a heavy price.

In contrast, delayed gratification means that you might have to sweat and work hard, but the payoff is usually worth the sacrifice. Most people like to take the easy route in life and love to avoid feeling frustrated. Unfortunately, while traveling the easy path they fail to realize that anything worth having is worth waiting for. If you are consistently frustrated or feel desperate, understand that God is working on you and wants you to be still. Never act out of desperation or impatience. Impulsive, desperate and impatient individuals typically do not think clearly or make good decisions. Moving to fast to enter into a relationship usually causes more pain than happiness. Therefore, be patient and allow God to have His way.

2) Make Yourself Available. Show interest in men who you believe meets your qualifications. Women, especially saved women have a hard time understanding this. Some women believe that if she expresses interest in man, that she is pursuing him. They quote Proverbs 18:22 which states, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains favor from the Lord.” This scripture is often misinterpreted. Yes, it is true that man should “find and pursue” you, but he cannot find someone who is not available. Let men know that you are on the market and allow him to pursue. Expressing interest and communicating your availability to a man does not mean that you are chasing him. I believe in miracles, but I also believe in working to make things happen.

3). Be Selective and Hold your Ground. A desperate and indecisive person will always be at high-risk for making bad decisions. Desperate people typically lack good judgment and often accept whatever is put before them. Learn to hold your ground and do not waiver in your selection process. Say what you mean, mean what you say when it comes to selecting your future mate. If you do not stand firm, manipulative and egocentric men will pick you apart. Practice what helps you stay grounded. If being spiritual has helped you with celibacy, then do not stray away from it. Being grounded in Christ may be your greatest weapon against your flesh.

As you wait on love, continue to live harmoniously with yourself and God. Wanting to be loved is normal; however acting impatiently or desperately is abnormal. Listen to your heart; if it hurts and you feel troubled, that means that you are moving in the wrong direction.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.