“You need to work more hours, so you can help your husband out.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Yes, a family member was giving me unsolicited advice about how to improve our finances. I couldn’t decide if I was offended by the fact that she’d never been married a day in her life or the fact that she had no idea what my husband and I were privately doing and discussing about OUR finances.
Quite frankly, it was none of her business. Period. The saying turns out to be true “Common sense isn’t common”. Life is teaching me that sometimes people have absolutely no idea concerning social etiquette, because they’ve never been informed. With that being said, here are 5 marriage boundaries your family and friends should never cross.
1. Money.
If you aren’t investing into the husband and wife’s businesses, you have no right to inquire about their financial situation. Seriously, it’s one thing to secretly ponder how many zeros can be found on their bank statement, but to flat out ask is unacceptable and rude.
2. Career choice.
This conversation can EASILY go in the wrong direction, so if the topic comes up, keep it cute. Refrain from asking questions like “Well, why doesn’t he work for this company?” or “Has she tried applying here?”. What if he did try working for that company and was rejected? What if she did apply there and never got a call back? Be careful. You never know.
3. First child.
Did you know some women dread to hear the question “When are you guys going to have a baby?” Why? Well, there are some couples who’ve actually been trying to have children, but have yet to be successful. Their frustration, along with your badgering, can be detrimental and add stress to their marriage. Meanwhile, there are some couples who simply want to enjoy each other, before the dynamic of their relationship drastically changes. Lay off, unless you plan to provide a lifetime supply of diapers and college tuition.
4. Culture of Marriage.
Each marriage is uniquely different. People have to do what works for them. One couple may meal prep for the week every Sunday night, while it makes sense for another couple to order takeout 4 nights a week. One couple chooses to spend their savings on lavish trips, while another couple chooses to save every penny they have. As long as they’re not hurting anyone, let them live. Your “truth” of how things should be done is irrelevant.
5. Sex.
One month after our wedding, I was asked if my husband and I had enjoyed an orgasm together yet. The question threw me off guard, but I reluctantly answered. Thank God I’ve grown since then and realize my marriage is sacred, and meant to be protected. I wish someone would ask me a question like that today. The read that will take place afterwards is bound to be EPIC 🙂
I strongly believe that none of these lines should be crossed. However, it’s perfectly fine if you’re invited to the conversation as a confidante or shoulder to lean on. If that isn’t the case, please, politely keep your mouth closed.
BMWK, Did I miss any marriage boundaries that your family and friends should never cross? Sound off below!
I would also add decisions made in their house. Similar to the culture of the marriage, whether an outsider or an extended family member living in the home, the married couple should be the only decision making entity of a home.
T. Henry this is so true. I think this be number 1 or 2 own the list. Especailly for younger/newer couples. They seem to be influenced by outsiders the most whether they live in the same household or not. And that can truly put a great strain on a marriage in the early stages which are the most crucial.
Living this now…an in law.
I had to laugh while reading this list because of how true it is and how shocking these questions can be the first time you hear them. The child question is especially intrusive. You never know how a couple may be struggling, so it’s best to not even approach it.
You are very right. Recently, someone said to me “you mean your husband permitted you to resume work instead of sitting at home to look after your baby? If I were your husband I would have asked you to resign”. I responded Thank God you are not him. And he was so disappointed with my response and left.
Great response
All where good, but what about input on how to raise kids.
It is amazing to me how people feel as if their way of raising their children was the only method. My mom had four girls and she did not have to treat us all the same. It was some things she had to handle with some that would have killed others.
I find it deplorable that family members and friends feel they are entitled to speak on things in your life when you didnt ask for their input. It also creates unwanted stress and strife when family members and friends interfere with your life. I had to deal with this issue with my grandmother asking things like if I am having sex when I am a grown bill paying 30 something year old woman. People blow me off saying “she’s just making conversation” when there’s a world of difference between making conversation and being a meddler. My grandmother meddles to the point where she thinks she’s entitled to ask me my personal business including things of a personal nature such as who I am having sex with. As an adult you don’t need to give your parents or grandparents any kind of answer because it’s none of their business as to who you are intimate with. It also becomes bothersome when my grandmother is telling family members other people’s business to where it causes conflict this is where I learned how black people meddle in things that don’t concern or involve them.
Well I said this evey one does their marriage different keep family and friends out of your buisness and you as a marriage couple should attend a marriage couple Sunday School class with real christian people that are wise and love the lord real christian famiy that are wise about marriage and keeping things real with you.