I don’t know if Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé or not. We may never know the truth.
But if he did…if he can’t be satisfied with one of the baddest chicks on the face of this Earth…then there’s something inherently wrong with all humanity. Right? Truth be told, I think there’s something inherently wrong with all of us. We all are inherently flawed in one way or another.
I’ve never cheated on my wife. But it’s not that I couldn’t. As a happily married man for 18 years, natural attractions to and for other women can’t be stopped. But they can be managed. When I was single, I convinced myself that I would never cheat on my wife – whoever she would be. But after I got married, I realized it would take a little more than that. I realized:
…just because my wife looks good – doesn’t mean Becky-with-the-good-hair doesn’t.
So I implemented a fail-safe measure to prevent myself from cheating. I self-sabotage.
The Bible warns me not to put ‘any confidence in my flesh’. Meaning, ‘don’t think I can withhold myself from something I physically want but shouldn’t have’. Given my background, I wonder if I could possibly cheat on my wife if I were ever in an environment/situation that would open that door. I don’t kid myself by thinking I’m strong enough…or my love runs deep enough… not to do it. Many men have fallen prey to that false confidence. So I self-sabotage and stay away from these four things.
1. Stay away from familiar environments.
House parties were my thing. Add some Jungle Juice and drinking games…it was on-and-poppin’. Now married, I self-sabotage by staying away from those environments. They’re too familiar. I’ll likely go into auto-pilot and revert back to my single days. I’d like to believe I wouldn’t. But I don’t want to find out either way.
2. Stay away from tempting women.
There have only been a handful of attractive women I’ve met since I’ve been married that I prayed, “Lord, please don’t ever let me see her again”. Something about them made me ponder things a happily married man shouldn’t be pondering. So I self-sabotage by avoiding interaction with them. To some, this may seem drastic. But I don’t put any confidence in my ability not to charm, woo or unleash this mack-game I’ve spent years suppressing.
3. Stay away from your mischievous friends.
Your homies…you’ll be friends for life. But some of your homies need to be quarantined to that past life…not your future. Because they have a way of talking you into being who you were back-in-the-day. You can still be friends, but self-sabotage by refusing to meet up with them in Vegas…or the club…like you use to when you were single.
4. Stay away from tempting places.
One of my wife’s friends invited us to her 50th birthday trip to Brazil. “OH…HECK…NAW! I’m not going.” I told her. “The thick-ery…that complexion…those bikinis…is way too tempting for me. I can’t do it.”
She was like, “You’d mess up your marriage just for one night with some woman?”
“No! That’s why I’m not going.” Meaning, ‘I don’t know what would happen if I went.’ My wife felt some kinda way about that. But I don’t care! I don’t put any confidence in my flesh that I won’t pull a Richie from Harlem Nights, and be like “Look-it…I ain’t never coming home no more. Take it easy.” So if I have to avoid a country full of tempting women, all she needs to do is respect it and appreciate the fact that I love her enough to self-sabotage and not go in the first place.
Every husband has his own weaknesses and temptations when it comes to other women. And we all deal with them in different ways. But whatever you do, have a plan so that you’re never in a situation where you are weakened by the temptation…and you have to rely on your weakened flesh to prevent you from cheating. Don’t think of yourself more highly than you should by putting confidence in your flesh to prevent you from cheating. Self-sabotage to make sure you’re never in a situation for it to happen.
BMWK, this is for the men and women…how do you self-sabotage to protect your relationship? Or do you truly feel that confident in yourself to never cheat?
I appreciate this commentary. It’s so refreshing. My husband was intrigued 7 years ago when we met and he said I was beautiful. I said, “Thank you. There are beautiful, women all over the world.” Women think of themselves too highly too. I’m not talking self-esteem. No matter how good you look, how well you keep house or cook, you can’t MAKE a man or woman be faithful to you. They are faithful to you because they choose to be.