Strategy 2 – Be transparent about your hurt and remain supportive. Let your husband know in an assertive manner that you are frustrated and hurt. Process your pain, but remain available to your husband. Believe it or not, individuals who lie often need reinforcement and praise. They need to know that others love them unconditionally. This does not mean that you neglect or minimize how you feel or tolerate nonsense. Express your frustration without bitterness and anger. Hopefully this will help your husband come clean. Sometimes we have to model the desired behavior in our marriage.

Strategy 3 – Be Patient. You and your husband have been trying to work through the lying, but have you all been patient? Patience requires a certain temperament. Being patient involves understanding, calmness and compassion. Once trust is damaged, individuals struggle with being patient. Both of you have to be patient if trust is to be restored.

Strategy 4 – Seek professional help. Sometimes we can work hard, but do not have the proper tools. I have worked with hundreds of couples who were doing everything they could to improve their marriages, but were not making progress because they were working with the wrong stuff. If what you are doing is not working, then you have to do something different. A professional like myself can help you restore peace in your marriage.

Remember that behind every behavior, there is an emotion and reason. Lying stems from somewhere and we should strive to understand it before we pass judgment. This can be difficult because we often desire to persecute and/or abandon those who are wrong or betray us. Work with your husband and acquire the right tools before you through in the towel.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.