by Harriet Hairston
Psst! C’mere! Can I tell you a secret? It’s juicy, and could potentially be very harmful to you, your spouse and your children, but it could also potentially set you all free. Can I tell you? Can I trust you to keep it just between the two of us?
Seriously, beyond what I share on BMWK, you barely know me! Would you trust a person who approached you like that? I certainly wouldn’t! Yet every day, men, women, children…FAMILIES fall victim to this serial killer called Secrecy within their marriages and homes.
What kinds of secrets do you keep from your spouse? What kinds of secrets do your children keep from you? When will the vicious cycle of mistrust within families end? As soon as we are willing to stop talking AROUND issues and face them head on!
I met a young lady not too long ago whose stepfather was her daughter’s father. Yes, you read that correctly. She held onto the secret that her stepfather was sexually molesting her for over 15 years! Her daughter found out about his abuse because she caught him raping another sister within the family! A secret like that can eat away at the psyche of the person holding onto it, especially for that period of time!
Men having two and three different sets of children…daughters getting pregnant and having abortions without their parents’ knowledge or consent…husbands getting fired from jobs but not telling wives…wives taking their rings off or acting single around their attractive male co-workers instead of maintaining fidelity to their spouse…I could go on and on.
The only way dysfunction can die within the family unit is to remove from it the power that secrets carry with them. Each secret we hold should have a sender, a message and a receiver. It’s important for the sender to relay the message clearly and concisely, and it’s equally as important for the receiver to understand the message being sent. That kind of communication has the potential to obliterate the drama secrets cause and allow every person involved to become free at last.
What kinds of secrets have you encountered within your own marriages and families, BMWK? How did those secrets help or harm your family? If you were the sender of the message, what methods did you use to ensure it did not fall upon deaf ears?
God bless!
~ Harriet
Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds: “author.” You can purchase her first book, “Who Are You?” simply by clicking on the link. You can also contact her at [email protected].
I have a secret. I don't want to go back to work on Monday. How could he hire my old assistant while I am on staycation only for me to find out he unhired him today? My last born worked for me while I was on staycation this week. The man that pays our/my salary even hired a women who I really wanted to work for us two yrs. ago . When I was at work and she was interviwed a few weeks ago she seemed like she was too good to work for us. The man who pays my salary called me at home and said he hired her because her J O B is downsizing. Sorry but this is a WT(heck moment). How many ppl does it take to do my job while I take a staycation? Sorry I had a I need to find a job moment. I am too valuable of a employee to make me mad, upset. I do now know that it takes 4 ppl to do my J O B. Would it be rude to ask for a raise?
Sorry Harriet. I had to get that off my chest.
On Topic. Harriet. I guess what I said is not a hush hush. Why do ppl keep such damanging secrets? I have been married for 13 yrs. I told my husband if he every laid a hand on my kids, to spank them or otherwise that I would put a bullet between his eyes. Put it this way, he is still alive. LOL From day one my husand has loved my kids as his own. Some ppl are not too nice to their own kids or other people kids. You can read between the lines and know that I was not so lucky.
We give secrets unnecessary and harmful power over our lives when we hold onto them. I tell my daughter that any uncomfortable secret someone wants you to keep is a secret you must tell- if not to me to someone you trust to help you.
I have stopped keeping secrets from my inner circle. It takes way too much energy to remember what I'm suppose to remember not to tell. To that end, it forces me to live a life that is largely drama free. Not that living that way is easier, yet it does help me sleep soundly at night. It has taught me to be more truthful with myself and it gives me the love and support I need from my people, when I need it the most. If I am not comfortable being completely open with someone, that is my cue that they are not inner circle people.
Sharing your secrets can be freeing even if you anonymously tell a complete stranger. I love reading the secrets each week on the Post Secrets site. http://www.postsecret.com
Wow…I'm going to have to check out that site. I bet just writing it out anonymously is so cathartic! I'mwith you, though…I don't keep secrets from my husband or children just because they have earned the right to know what's going on with me.