by Gwen Jimmere
For two years, I worked my dream job at a wonderful company where my work/life balance was pretty nonexistent.
This made me…let’s just say “concerned” since I just had a baby. Knowing that there was no way I was going to give my newborn son such a miniscule amount of my time, I decided it was time to part ways. So in mid-February, I started looking to move to a specific company that I truly admire, and by early April, I was sitting in my new office. Granted, I’m still in the honeymoon phase with my new role, but the balance is definitely there. I go to work, come home, and now have time to play with and read to my son, while still getting in my honey-time with my honey. Didn’t have that before, so all is now well in the world.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my career. I am honored, blessed and privileged to be a respected figure in my field. But prior to the new job, I was home on maternity leave with my baby. We spent all day, every day, together. When I went back to work full time, the hubs and I made a conscious decision that he would work from home some days and our son would go to daycare on the opposing days. I was able to find a daycare provider that I feel comfortable enough to leave my child with. But I can’t help feeling guilty that I’m not there with him every single day like I was before. I miss my baby all day and I find myself calling to talk to him multiple times a day and check in on him. I know he’s in good hands; it’s just something I’ll have to get used to.
Just last week, I went to New York for a business trip. While I had a great time, it was slightly short of torturous not seeing my boy. Skype is apparently blocked on my work laptop, so all I had were some still images and an unlimited mobile minute plan with which to communicate.
When I’m away, I feel a dire need to make up for not being there. Tell me I’m not the only one. He’s only three months. Perhaps this is a “new mom” thing”...?
Gwen Jimmere is an award-winning and nationally syndicated editor who authored the relationship manual for young women, If It Walks Like a Duck”...and Other Truths My Mother Taught Me. She blogs about relationships, dating, marriage and parenting at The Duck Walkand works in social media/digital marketing.
Its hard, you aren’t the only one. My son is two and I STILL get that feeling. I wonder if you ever stop feeling guilty about that time, especially since they grow up SO fast! I’m constantly trying to redefine what true balance is with work and home so I can give my best to both. Help me too! 🙂 LOL.
It is very hard as a new mother. My son is 3 going on 40 and I still feel guilty from time to time. More so now when mommy and daddy have “date night” than when I go to work but the guilt is still there. As mothers we want the best for our children and we often feel as though we ARE the best they can have as far as a caregiver. However, I believe it’s healthy for our children to be away from us due to their being able to successfully deal with detachment from us. We’re usually the ones who hinder their growth, other caregivers usually encourage more independence quicker than we seem to – at least in my case I still call my baby “my baby”. So keep your head up and keep being successful! Your child will grow up and thank you for it. And when you are with your child spend the best time with him that you can even if it’s not the most time.
Another note, we have to stay sane as well so having stimulation outside of our love for our children is healthy for us as well as for them.
It takes a while for that feeling to go away. My daughter is 4 and I still feel guilty not being able to spend a whole ot of time with her. I’m with her during the weekdays for about 2-3 hours until she goes to bed at 8 and during that time she maybe gets about an hour of my full attention, because, of course, there isn’t just the office work, there’s the work at home too. I try to cram in a lot of quality time during the weekends. Now that she’s in school, I also take some of my vacation during the same days she’s off from school so we can spend time together. Part of the solution is figuring out and being consistent about when to define that line when the work is done and say that’s enough. You may feel pressure and guilt about work, but it has to be done. You have to decide to dedicating the rest of your time to my child(ren).
I am sorry that you feel guilty, but I totally understand where that comes from even though I do not have any children.
The good thing is that you’re teaching your children balance by example. The fact that you can have a successful career and goals and still put time aside to spend with them.
What a great article! “GUILT” is not an uncommon word for moms. Working moms feel a sense of guilt for not being available for their child as much as they’d like to be and stay-at-home moms feel a sense of guilt for bringing in little, if any, money towards the household. Both moms love and cherish their time with their child and husband (let’s not forget about him…lol) when priorities are in place. From your article, I can tell that you love your little baby to pieces and want to spend every second you can with him. If you are ever interested in learning about the possibility of staying-at-home, check out this great resource.
https://www.amazon.com/Words-Wisdom-Stay-at-Home-Their-Husbands/dp/1461017971/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1304057519&sr=1-1
My blog: https://aceofsahms.wordpress.com
Gwen, it never goes away!!! I am a single mother and went back to work after my maternity and felt GUILT for not being there COUPLED WITH anger at his father for the infidelity that destroyed our relationship and cheated me out of the year at home that he promised for when we had children. My son is now 4 and about to start pre-school, just as I’m starting a new job (I’ve been unemployed and home with him for the last 15 months). While I’m excited at the opportunity to get my finances back on track and the prospect of regular, adult conversation for longer than 2 hour stretches, I am still loathe to give up the time that we’ve spent together. I just have to continue to be prayerful about my limitations and the world in which we live and know that I’ve given my son enough love and attention that he doesn’t have to question his being my #1 priority. However, I also have a responsibility to myself and my own personal growth; if I want my son to learn how to be a happy and fulfilled person, I have to model that behavior myself. Being successful in my career is a part of that process. Your guilt is understandable, just don’t let it become so HUGE that you give up on your personal dreams in order to accommodate it.
I think its a normal reaction to feel anxiety abou tleaving your child in the care of someone else no matter who that person is especially when you have a newborn infant let alone a toddler or older child. What we can try to do to alleviate some of those feelings of worry, anxiety and even guilt is to make the best choices for our children, and then decide that we are mothers who love our children and we will have to make sacrifices for their wellbeing. We can find opportunities to connect as often and creatively as is possible and limit as much as we can unnecessary away time. We shoud lalso schedule in quality time for our spouses and alone time and create a balance tha works for us not always what looks good on paper or to others.
Very well said, Martha! Thank you for that!
Great article. I just returned to work after an almost 5 month maternity leave. Already having a 5 year old, I know the guilt doesnt go away. I lessen it by devoting all my free time to my children, but that can’t be healthy either. Moms have one of the toughest, yet underappreciated jobs ever. Yet the rewards make it all worth it.